I feel so very very shit
I have been on the internet for four fucking hours doing absolutely fucking nothing
I could have read a fucking book in all this time. So why the hell do I stay?
What keeps me here?
It's just a wait. A wait a wait a wast a waste a waiste a waste of time.
ruining my posture curling in to a deformed freak with spinal issues and dead pale skin and ugh fuck
sick of it sick of it I don't know what I want any more, I don't think I ever did, I'm so confused and annoyed and I go from being magnificently, wildly happy and ecstatic and overjoyed to miserable and confused and helpless and hopeless and angry and tired and swearing too much.
I can't seem to stay happy for long.
Things make me happy, I am happy for a little while but then I just sink back in to this misery and pessimism and baww baww my life is so hard because I have nothing to do, baww baww I have a roof over my head and an internet connection and food to eat my life is so fucking difficult god I want to just kill myself because my life is so fucking hard you know, I have so many fucking problems you know?
fuck it.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND. This mindset here, this mood, this is a night time thing, it arrives at night and stays and I am just in this black mood, hating everything, fucking miserable and not knowing why, then by the next day I'm fine and it's like this part of me that gets so bleak is a detached part of my mind, ugh.
I do not see how someone could be happy all the time. And I do not feel like I am a person who has issues. There are people who quite distinctly are depressed, have issues, and what the hell am I? I feel like I need some sort of sticker slapped to my forehead for me to be able to know if there's something wrong with me. Like "HELP ME HELP ME! LABEL ME DIAGNOSE ME I WANT TO BE A SPECIAL PERSON! LAVISH ME WITH ATTENTION BECAUSE I'M SO MESSED UP!"
There's nothing fucking wrong with me apart from the fact that I fucking hate myself and I am worthless and inadequate and useless and ugh ugh what the hell what does any of this mean it doesn't mean ANYTHING because once I have slept it is GONE until the next night. This self-loathing. What the fuck is it? It's the manifestation of loneliness and isolation and misery and fear and insecurity all mashed in to one with the catalyst of boredom and a dull dull life and a stupid dull brain that cannot think of anything interesting to do because it's so fucking fixated with a few particular things.
you should not take heed to any of this, I don't think, well I don't know. Someone said to me that maybe it is valid. If it keeps happening. Maybe she is right I don't know. She also says that I look sheepish a lot of the time and dammit that is true too.
Also; I'm not making any sense. Also; no one really reads this blog that much but um I guess that's why it's good. It's just good to vent and it doesn't really matter if people see it or not. It's practically incoherent anyway.
I very much dislike not knowing what I feel. I question my every emotion and my every thought. What does it mean? Do I really feel that way? Am I really miserable/depressed, or do I just need to sleep? Is it love, or toxic radiation? (It's both, but who cares.)
So I drown my thoughts in internet bullshit to while away the hours and I just fucking sit here vegetating and dying and wishing there was something I could do and when I'm here by myself there's fucking nothing to live for, it's when I am out doing stuff that there are things. Actually I don't have to do anything I just have to be away from here.
I don't know what any of this means it's all shit.
I need some sort of direction or guidance because I'm totally useless at running my own life. Other people have already got it down fucking fine by my age because they're mature, responsible, intelligent, empathetic kind people but I'm just a piece of shit.
I am a contradiction. In those stupid online personality quiz things, that say stuff like "tick true or false: I prefer to spend time alone" or "I am happiest as the centre of attention at a party", I always go to "I prefer to spend time alone."
Well actually, I have come to learn that I really fucking don't.
I'd prefer to be alone than with a bunch of annoying people that I do not get along with, but it is my friends that keep me fucking sane, or insane, or somewhat stable, I don't know.
I don't want to be the centre of fucking attention but shit I just want someone to talk to.
LOOK AT HOW FUCKING ELOQUENT I AM. I SWEAR ALL THE FUCKING TIME. WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN.
I disgust myself I am miserable I am useless I wish I could believe people when they tell me I am a good person or not inadequate I wish I could
basically: I am a stupid teenager with emotions, news at e-fucking-leven.
Showing posts with label and I'll suppress the rage I'm feeling. Show all posts
Showing posts with label and I'll suppress the rage I'm feeling. Show all posts
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Saturday, September 11, 2010
and I've seen all I'll ever need
It is really strange.
Last year I used this blog copious amounts. And the year before that. And now I'm just like "no sorry."
I'm really not sure why.
I feel pretty bad about it. I mean I can actually use this blog, really; it's got a funky style and it's sort of pseudo-sophisticated and no one really knows about it either. Oh, the dilemma! I don't understand the world.
Listening to Muse as usual. Though I haven't been listening to them that much recently- I've been in one of my "listening to everything ever" moods re:music, in which I have gone from Radiohead to The Horrors, from Florence to Neutral Milk Hotel and from Arcade Fire to Pink Floyd and The XX. Just sort of flitting around them.
But of course I always return to Muse, without fail.
Listening to Space Dementia. God I love this song.
This has been a strange year. It has been a year completely undocumented by blogspot.
and of course, when I'm just about to start a big pensive blog post my parents are all 'GO TO BED'.
typical.
okay. I'll go then. Maybe I'll save it for another day.
(But I'll try write some now before I properly have to go.)
Right. Anyway. This year.
It has gone impossibly, ridiculously, frighteningly fast.
There was the start of this year- fresh ideas and thoughts and music and words.
There was the obsession with Sherlock Holmes, mixed with the obsession with The Horrors. There was House of Leaves, and the thoughts and the summery days, and the Big Day Out with Muse and The Horrors and the smell of smoke.
There was the constant playing of Horses, the album by Patti Smith in the car for a long time throughout the year. There was the madness of everything at the beginning. I have a very powerful nostalgia for the start of the year. Which is weird, but I do. I really miss it, because I feel like this year has just slipped through my fingers; at the same time as is has been a really long year, with so many events, it feels like it's been about five days in my life compressed in to a confusing dream, a blur of images and memories and music and some really fucked up thoughts.
There have been all my freak outs and panics and fainting in public and crying in public and my developed fears of things, and my paranoia, and my obsessive intrusive thought processes, thoughts that began at the start of the year and culminated in May the goddamn fucking 12th; two days later, May 15th; the freakout, two days after that, going to see Iron Man 2 with Alice, completely freaking out, then talking with her, then freaking out to an extent I never thought possible.
Thus leading to the supposed acceptance of the intrusive thoughts. Which, I suppose, was a good thing; if I continued in the vein of 'NO STOP THINKING THAT' I suppose it would have culminated in my going completely batshit insane. Now I just have some really awkward emotions to contend with; ones that certainly still make me hate myself, but, you know, I can deal with it.
So. It's been a really weird year. It's definitely been a significant year. I'm certain this will stick out in my memories for all the weird events that have happened. It's been a mixture of really great things and really crap things- I've been feeling really awful about myself a lot more than usual, this year- and completely losing any interest in school I might have previously had. School is just utter tedium now. Boring, every single day, every single hour of the day is utterly boring. And I am tired, constantly. And tend to feel miserable every day. And generally I keep feeling utter hatred towards myself, and my complete inability to do anything worthwhile, or to succeed particularly well in anything. I just feel hopeless and I'm not sure how to change things in order to be better. I just can't do it. So I simply hide away in the world of procrastination. Fortunately there are a lot of things out there that make me feel a bit better. I've become quite obsessed with Monty Python this year. That is a great thing. I'm really glad about that.
And as you can see, it is the night, and whenever it's the night I get really glum and morose and everything I write is like BAWW BAWW what is life. Also I'm listening to Citizen Erased by Muse. Oh god I love this album so much. Origin of Symmetry is just incredible, okay? I miss Muse. I miss them. Which is ridiculous, I suppose, but I am just so sad that I missed so much of their life- 2001,2002, the mad insane years, 2003, 2004 with Absolution, then BH&R- I found out all of this after the fact- and as such, ten years of Muse have been compressed in to about two years of learning about them with me. I wish I could have known about them when I was a tiny kid. Impossible, really. How could I have possibly become a mad fan of Muse at the age of seven? Holy shit. I was seven when Origin Of Symmetry came out.
What. The. Fuck.
I just cannot comprehend the world.
I really truly cannot.
Oh god this song is amazing.
Citizen Erased. You are amazing.
Last year I used this blog copious amounts. And the year before that. And now I'm just like "no sorry."
I'm really not sure why.
I feel pretty bad about it. I mean I can actually use this blog, really; it's got a funky style and it's sort of pseudo-sophisticated and no one really knows about it either. Oh, the dilemma! I don't understand the world.
Listening to Muse as usual. Though I haven't been listening to them that much recently- I've been in one of my "listening to everything ever" moods re:music, in which I have gone from Radiohead to The Horrors, from Florence to Neutral Milk Hotel and from Arcade Fire to Pink Floyd and The XX. Just sort of flitting around them.
But of course I always return to Muse, without fail.
Listening to Space Dementia. God I love this song.
This has been a strange year. It has been a year completely undocumented by blogspot.
and of course, when I'm just about to start a big pensive blog post my parents are all 'GO TO BED'.
typical.
okay. I'll go then. Maybe I'll save it for another day.
(But I'll try write some now before I properly have to go.)
Right. Anyway. This year.
It has gone impossibly, ridiculously, frighteningly fast.
There was the start of this year- fresh ideas and thoughts and music and words.
There was the obsession with Sherlock Holmes, mixed with the obsession with The Horrors. There was House of Leaves, and the thoughts and the summery days, and the Big Day Out with Muse and The Horrors and the smell of smoke.
There was the constant playing of Horses, the album by Patti Smith in the car for a long time throughout the year. There was the madness of everything at the beginning. I have a very powerful nostalgia for the start of the year. Which is weird, but I do. I really miss it, because I feel like this year has just slipped through my fingers; at the same time as is has been a really long year, with so many events, it feels like it's been about five days in my life compressed in to a confusing dream, a blur of images and memories and music and some really fucked up thoughts.
There have been all my freak outs and panics and fainting in public and crying in public and my developed fears of things, and my paranoia, and my obsessive intrusive thought processes, thoughts that began at the start of the year and culminated in May the goddamn fucking 12th; two days later, May 15th; the freakout, two days after that, going to see Iron Man 2 with Alice, completely freaking out, then talking with her, then freaking out to an extent I never thought possible.
Thus leading to the supposed acceptance of the intrusive thoughts. Which, I suppose, was a good thing; if I continued in the vein of 'NO STOP THINKING THAT' I suppose it would have culminated in my going completely batshit insane. Now I just have some really awkward emotions to contend with; ones that certainly still make me hate myself, but, you know, I can deal with it.
So. It's been a really weird year. It's definitely been a significant year. I'm certain this will stick out in my memories for all the weird events that have happened. It's been a mixture of really great things and really crap things- I've been feeling really awful about myself a lot more than usual, this year- and completely losing any interest in school I might have previously had. School is just utter tedium now. Boring, every single day, every single hour of the day is utterly boring. And I am tired, constantly. And tend to feel miserable every day. And generally I keep feeling utter hatred towards myself, and my complete inability to do anything worthwhile, or to succeed particularly well in anything. I just feel hopeless and I'm not sure how to change things in order to be better. I just can't do it. So I simply hide away in the world of procrastination. Fortunately there are a lot of things out there that make me feel a bit better. I've become quite obsessed with Monty Python this year. That is a great thing. I'm really glad about that.
And as you can see, it is the night, and whenever it's the night I get really glum and morose and everything I write is like BAWW BAWW what is life. Also I'm listening to Citizen Erased by Muse. Oh god I love this album so much. Origin of Symmetry is just incredible, okay? I miss Muse. I miss them. Which is ridiculous, I suppose, but I am just so sad that I missed so much of their life- 2001,2002, the mad insane years, 2003, 2004 with Absolution, then BH&R- I found out all of this after the fact- and as such, ten years of Muse have been compressed in to about two years of learning about them with me. I wish I could have known about them when I was a tiny kid. Impossible, really. How could I have possibly become a mad fan of Muse at the age of seven? Holy shit. I was seven when Origin Of Symmetry came out.
What. The. Fuck.
I just cannot comprehend the world.
I really truly cannot.
Oh god this song is amazing.
Citizen Erased. You are amazing.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Ohhh my goodness aren't things strange
SO I think it's time for one of those philosophical blogs, amirite? Incidentially it is 12.51 am RIGHT now, which totally has nothing to do with anything, but I just came up with the line WE ARE ALL A BEHEMOTH LUNATIC, I don't know what it means, make of it what you will.
Anyway today I was having this huge ramble in my brain about Christmas, as if I was talking to someone, I don't know who, but they were probably annoyed at me because I was probably there for a whole half hour or something.
frig my typing woke up a fool. I knew it would. He shakes his head and leaves. He'll be back. NOT FAIR, NOT FAIR!!!!!! NOT FAIR DAMMIT.
You see I've been trying to work up the courage to look at a wikipedia page, good lord sometimes I get paranoid about the strangest things. Honestly.
They're coming to take me away haha, they're coming to take me away!
This isn't fair! I want to ramble to my hearts content. My typing was clearly too loud, I knew I should have been quieter. Gosh darnit to heck!
Ooooookay, I thiiiiiiiiiiiink they've gone, but I don't know what they wanted to achieve by getting up, going to the door to just shake their head at me. Okay.
Where was I?
Anyway, my blogs have been rather mundane lately.
So I was thinking about Christmas, and okay, I think people who say "I hate Christmas" or generally whine about Christmas and how it's been commercialised are just trying to be edgy and out there and pessimistic and omg so insightful.
Shut upppppppppp!
YOU LOVE CHRISTMAS. DON'T TRY AND DENY IT. Just because you're an angsty teenager or a tired adult and you're not allowed to enjoy simple things like opening presents and you have to act all sullen just to be cool.
I mean some people will have legitimate reasons for their dislike of Christmas, like sucky family relations that end in an unpleasant time for all (especially if there are some relatives that get overly drunk) or if you are a poor orphan on the street. But surely most people love Christmas, even if they are in denial about it.
YES. Christmas has been twisted and mutated due to businesses and chain stores who only care about making lots of money, and since Christmas is a time for giving it is an excellent time for them to exploit the general public for moar moneys. And so maybe the reason people are excited about Christmas is because of the presents. Which is materialism and capitalism and whatnot and whatever. I was never good with -isms.
It's true! BUT. It's completely awesome, because what else connects people in such a strong way? It's an event where people all over the world do exactly the same thing- get a tree, put shiny things on it, put presents under it and then open the presents and have a nice time hanging out with relatives you don't get to see that much. Why? Why is this? Obviously not everyone does this, as it all started off in religion, so different religions have their different celebrations, but the fact of the matter is most people celebrate in some way around this time of year, with different traditions. And everyone gets so excited about it and it's just such a friggin big deal. And it's hard to really know why. Obviously kids like it because of the presents, and it kind of sticks with you, and maybe it isn't that big, it's just all the advertisements that cause the hype. But then again everyone gets all excited and stressed and worried and what have you. And it's all very interesting.
Anyway, what I'm saying is don't say you hate Christmas! The ads and the commercial stuff is lame (seriously, Miley Cyrus advent calendars? lolwut) But in the end it's one of those weird wonderful festivities where you are meant to be happy SO YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY OKAY.
I must sound like an idiot or something, but that is a general summary of what was rambling through my mind today. OOOH also, fake Christmas trees should only be used by the elderly who might not find it quite as easy to have a big real tree. EVERYONE ELSE SHOULD HAVE A REAL TREE. The essence of Christmas is the smell of those trees! The pine needles falling on the ground, the general prickliness! The difficulty of getting decorations on the tree! It's great! FAKE TREES ARE FAIL.
Well I sound as idiotic as usual, I need to read a lot more. I mean, I want to read loads. But I'm never motivated or anything, ahhhhhh. If only I could be more knowledgeable.
See, intelligence is more a genetic thing I think, like your capacity to understand well and to learn quickly whereas knowledge is the accumulation of things you have learned. So I guess I can't ask to be more intelligent but I can try and be more knowledgeable right? Although I'm not doing too well there either.
OH WELL
Anyway it's 1.08 now so I'm going to go on wikipedia and try my luck at not being paranoid. Then sleep.
Also: My cat is being very strange, her pupils are all big and what have you, and she just jumped up on to the computer desk and is sitting on it, miaowing all plaintively and sadly like she's been abandoned or something. Now stretching over the printer and on the dresser. She's sitting on the fancy placemats. Oookay.
Anyway today I was having this huge ramble in my brain about Christmas, as if I was talking to someone, I don't know who, but they were probably annoyed at me because I was probably there for a whole half hour or something.
frig my typing woke up a fool. I knew it would. He shakes his head and leaves. He'll be back. NOT FAIR, NOT FAIR!!!!!! NOT FAIR DAMMIT.
You see I've been trying to work up the courage to look at a wikipedia page, good lord sometimes I get paranoid about the strangest things. Honestly.
They're coming to take me away haha, they're coming to take me away!
This isn't fair! I want to ramble to my hearts content. My typing was clearly too loud, I knew I should have been quieter. Gosh darnit to heck!
Ooooookay, I thiiiiiiiiiiiink they've gone, but I don't know what they wanted to achieve by getting up, going to the door to just shake their head at me. Okay.
Where was I?
Anyway, my blogs have been rather mundane lately.
So I was thinking about Christmas, and okay, I think people who say "I hate Christmas" or generally whine about Christmas and how it's been commercialised are just trying to be edgy and out there and pessimistic and omg so insightful.
Shut upppppppppp!
YOU LOVE CHRISTMAS. DON'T TRY AND DENY IT. Just because you're an angsty teenager or a tired adult and you're not allowed to enjoy simple things like opening presents and you have to act all sullen just to be cool.
I mean some people will have legitimate reasons for their dislike of Christmas, like sucky family relations that end in an unpleasant time for all (especially if there are some relatives that get overly drunk) or if you are a poor orphan on the street. But surely most people love Christmas, even if they are in denial about it.
YES. Christmas has been twisted and mutated due to businesses and chain stores who only care about making lots of money, and since Christmas is a time for giving it is an excellent time for them to exploit the general public for moar moneys. And so maybe the reason people are excited about Christmas is because of the presents. Which is materialism and capitalism and whatnot and whatever. I was never good with -isms.
It's true! BUT. It's completely awesome, because what else connects people in such a strong way? It's an event where people all over the world do exactly the same thing- get a tree, put shiny things on it, put presents under it and then open the presents and have a nice time hanging out with relatives you don't get to see that much. Why? Why is this? Obviously not everyone does this, as it all started off in religion, so different religions have their different celebrations, but the fact of the matter is most people celebrate in some way around this time of year, with different traditions. And everyone gets so excited about it and it's just such a friggin big deal. And it's hard to really know why. Obviously kids like it because of the presents, and it kind of sticks with you, and maybe it isn't that big, it's just all the advertisements that cause the hype. But then again everyone gets all excited and stressed and worried and what have you. And it's all very interesting.
Anyway, what I'm saying is don't say you hate Christmas! The ads and the commercial stuff is lame (seriously, Miley Cyrus advent calendars? lolwut) But in the end it's one of those weird wonderful festivities where you are meant to be happy SO YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY OKAY.
I must sound like an idiot or something, but that is a general summary of what was rambling through my mind today. OOOH also, fake Christmas trees should only be used by the elderly who might not find it quite as easy to have a big real tree. EVERYONE ELSE SHOULD HAVE A REAL TREE. The essence of Christmas is the smell of those trees! The pine needles falling on the ground, the general prickliness! The difficulty of getting decorations on the tree! It's great! FAKE TREES ARE FAIL.
Well I sound as idiotic as usual, I need to read a lot more. I mean, I want to read loads. But I'm never motivated or anything, ahhhhhh. If only I could be more knowledgeable.
See, intelligence is more a genetic thing I think, like your capacity to understand well and to learn quickly whereas knowledge is the accumulation of things you have learned. So I guess I can't ask to be more intelligent but I can try and be more knowledgeable right? Although I'm not doing too well there either.
OH WELL
Anyway it's 1.08 now so I'm going to go on wikipedia and try my luck at not being paranoid. Then sleep.
Also: My cat is being very strange, her pupils are all big and what have you, and she just jumped up on to the computer desk and is sitting on it, miaowing all plaintively and sadly like she's been abandoned or something. Now stretching over the printer and on the dresser. She's sitting on the fancy placemats. Oookay.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Oh. Well, then.
Sooooooooooooooooooooooo my laptop got a virus, I got it fixed though, but this came at the price of reimaging- fortunately I backed up all my things, and also they didn't delete any of my stuff. Apart from all the applications I had downloaded, games, msn etc, and most annoyingly firefox's history was completely wiped, including all my billions of bookmarks.
*sigh!*
It's not that bad, just very annoying and kind of saddening. But then I guess it's okay to have a fresh start. And it's a good thing I backed up the data for the sims 2 and warcraft because they got deleted. Quelle dommage!
It's just a little aggravating, but it's still good, it's still good.
And I had a good dream about Doctor Who that I have not been able to shut up about because it amused me to a great extent. Hurr. =D
So I guess things are pretty alright, otherwise!!! Well goodybe then eh.
*sigh!*
It's not that bad, just very annoying and kind of saddening. But then I guess it's okay to have a fresh start. And it's a good thing I backed up the data for the sims 2 and warcraft because they got deleted. Quelle dommage!
It's just a little aggravating, but it's still good, it's still good.
And I had a good dream about Doctor Who that I have not been able to shut up about because it amused me to a great extent. Hurr. =D
So I guess things are pretty alright, otherwise!!! Well goodybe then eh.
Friday, September 18, 2009
I smashed 13 mirrors when I was born
so I just got a refund for the muse boxset.
Oh hello, shotgun! It's nice to see you. Hey! Look! It's the inside of my mouth! hahaha, that's funny. It's cool in here, eh? Ooh, a trigger thing! Hahahah let's press it hahahahah!!! oooh whoops there's blood all over the walls! hahahahah!!!! look at all that grey matter everywhere hahahahahah!!!!! hahahahahahahahaha!!!!! hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahaha here comes the ambulance, wheeee,ooooh,wheeeee,ooohhh wheeeeeeeee1!!!!!!!!!!!!!! don't think they'll be able to fix this whoopsie!!!! hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
never mind the uncontrollable trembling hahahahahahaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh hello, shotgun! It's nice to see you. Hey! Look! It's the inside of my mouth! hahaha, that's funny. It's cool in here, eh? Ooh, a trigger thing! Hahahah let's press it hahahahah!!! oooh whoops there's blood all over the walls! hahahahah!!!! look at all that grey matter everywhere hahahahahah!!!!! hahahahahahahahaha!!!!! hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahaha here comes the ambulance, wheeee,ooooh,wheeeee,ooohhh wheeeeeeeee1!!!!!!!!!!!!!! don't think they'll be able to fix this whoopsie!!!! hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
never mind the uncontrollable trembling hahahahahahaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
blah
Hmm so Lucy's party was good, I had fun, I was muy happy afterwards for some reason. Anyway the week has been going pretty fast and I haven't even really noticed that it's almost the end of term because I've been busy waiting for my Myooose box set which HASN'T ARRIVED and everyone is annoyed because there have been lots of delays in getting them sent and whatnot. LE SIGH!
Have a science test tomorrow, blah... yeah.
Blah it's 10.00... I never get things done.
I'll just wait for my boxset. Which will have to come tomorrow or I may be turned in to a mad raving lunatic. =[
well gj'bye!
Have a science test tomorrow, blah... yeah.
Blah it's 10.00... I never get things done.
I'll just wait for my boxset. Which will have to come tomorrow or I may be turned in to a mad raving lunatic. =[
well gj'bye!
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Lol Undisclosed Desires
Yay one can insert a text break or a "cut" in lj speak! In the case that you may have many words to say, but they take up a great deal of space. Intrigued readers may CLICK THE CUT and more words will appear! WOW!!!!
Oooh, look, italics and bolds! I didn't notice those before. hi?
Wow! I'm in the compose section, and there's loads of things one can change! YOU CAN MAKE LISTS!!!
lolwut????
anyway. yeah.
here's a text break of despair for you.
Oooh, look, italics and bolds! I didn't notice those before. hi?
Wow! I'm in the compose section, and there's loads of things one can change! YOU CAN MAKE LISTS!!!
- lol hi guys
- baked beans aren't very nice
- so today I had this piano thing
- it went for an hour twenty
- I had a pepsi today
- Matt Bellamy is really good at the piano and it's not fair okay
lolwut????
my name is billy bob and I proclaim that all hamburgers be abolished!
anyway. yeah.
here's a text break of despair for you.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
“WTF Hargrid?” I shouted angrily. “Fuck off you fjucking bastard.”
HAHAHA My Immortal. The best fanfiction ever. In a weird, twisted sense of the word.
Lol what an aggravating lame day.
I had sushi for lunch. It was yum! My mother didn't realise that sushi, ramen/udon noodles were Japanese food, as today she said "I've never had Japanese food before!"
In which I told her, "ma, Wagamama's is japanese food. Wagamama is a japanese word. Udon noodles and Ramen are Japanese. Sushi is JAPANESE."
so she then changed her wording to "I have Japanese food all the time!" hahaha.
Anyway, today a whole bunch of people were being SUPERCHUMPS.
It was only a couple of people really, but they're spoiling it for everyone else by saying a whole lot of crap like "OMG DA GROOP IS GOIN TO FALL APART!1!!!!" It's ridiculous. I also feel kind of annoyed by them saying this as they are a new person. I don't know why this counts for anything... it just seems that everything was fine until they came up and started acting absurd and making mountains out of molehills, figuratively but very certainly what they are doing. Them being a new person means that it seems they know all the logistics of our friends and have the tenacity to decide how everyone is behaving. Lol I know this is stupid but it bugs me for some reason. Which isn't really something I should do, always going "the old people" and "the new people." Although it is the truth. And I guess saying that means I don't find them to be a part of the friendship group. (Let me just add I hate using the word group. It's so damn aggravating, just like the phrase "hooking up." ARADGLAHDGOH)
I do find them to be a part- just that hey haven't been around as long so they can't quite make judgments and say things like "the group is falling apart!" when they've been around less than a year.
*facepalm*
Thing is, only a couple of people are mad at one another. This has gotten everyone else involved, and I hate discussing said things because it makes me feel like it's all just escalating if we talk about it. I don't know. Because, talking about it accepts that there's a problem and there really. really isn't. We're all (the sane ones that is) kind of pissed off at the crap starters now for being idiotic.
Basically, one person has gone crazy and decided that another friend has to stay away from her because she doesn't want to affect her? Or something? And so is trying to ignore her. One friend has decided to ~*~leave~*~ the group, some others think another one should be kicked out because she's too young and we might have a ~*~bad influence~*~ on her. FFS, we were FINE as far as goddamn influence goes before! Now we're flooded with people who are like LOL I'M CHEATING ON MAH BF WITH LYK 5 PEOPLE LOL"
okay so not that many. But you know. We were just a bit less vapid and guy obsessed to an annoying point than now.
One person, everyone is getting annoyed with (she's the LOL CHEATING one and the one who has decided the group is ~*falling apart~* and accusing people of random crap that I can't even remember now. She thinks the close relationship between two people is ruining the group (what the hell?) and that everyone hates this one other person (not true.) AARGH.
And Laura is all (from the happenings of today, no less!) I wanted to leave the group, I wanted to leave the school!
Eh. What?
I find some people's approach to dealing with things quite absurd.
Firstly, what's this LOL LEAVING THE GROUP 4 EVA BRB crap? It's like they can't deal. Apparently, people freak OUT about the possibility of LYK OMG HAVING A CRUSH ON SOMEONE! AND DEN THEY TOLD THE PERSON I HAVE A CRUSH ON! AND DEY HAVE A CRUSH ON ME LOL SO AWKWARD! TURNS OUT I DON'T HAVE A CRUSH ON THEM! WHOOPS I'D BETTA LEAVE COS IT'S RLLY AWKWARD AND SUCKY. kthx
So I guess that's the deal? And it's so pathetic and everyone's getting reallly riled up and I guess it can be mainly pinpointed to one shit-stirrer. WHOOP-DEE-DO!
Anyway. Let's get away from that angry ranting note and move on to other good stuff!
I PRE-ORDERED THE MUSE LIMITED EDITION BOX SET!! WHOO!!!! It's rad. RAD. TOTALLY RAD.
And here's something I wanted to do: A PICSPAM! WHOOOOO!
Is that six facepalms I hear in the distance?
OH WELL. =| srsface.
This is my chance to blatantly squee over Muse, okay? So... just deal with it for now. You get exciting pictures and you can ignore the keyboardmash. (I have to do it at some point, okay? OKAY?)
'Tis one of my favourite pictures, it's so sparkly. I suggest clicking to enlarge if you happen to care. XD
The annoying thing about blogger is that it puts the html for a picture at the top so you have to move it. RE: The picture: adfhasodighasgoih =D
He looks like a bird here. An awesome weird bird. ...Yeah. XD
This picture is absurd and therefore awesome. LOOK AT HIS FACE. XD
This picture be one of my favourites. =D
\o/!!!!!!!!!
AOGHASFOGHASFDOIGYQROEH WHAT
I have noticed that I seem to have a large amount of really freaky hilarious pictures of Dom. XD Anyway this picture is ASDOIGHASGIOH =D Matt looks FLUFFY. I know that's really rather odd but just look! LOOK. LOOK AT THIS PICTURE. FLUFFY. NOSE. MOUTH. WEIRD FLUFFY. What? Don't kill me for squeeing over pictures! /o\
LOOK AT HIS HAIR. LOOK AT IT. asdgehoflooooooooo
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH WHAT.
WHOOO random piano srs picture ftw!
ASDGHADFDFHPERIYQOIUERSNDFBSMDGNBSJHEARGV HERGDFSJIJDFHGAODHGAVOUHTOPUAIHVIOPH OMG
=D =D =D =D HEADPHONES AND AARRGH
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
=D =D =D I love this one it's aaaaah. =D!!!
ASDUHASOGUHASGOIH~!!!!! Best. There are a lot moar pictures that I want to add other than these ones but I'm not going to just to be nice I guess. XD
ORIGIN OF FLUFFINESS
AGAHSGOPIASHGSOIGH I know my comments are so intelligent and insightful. Shut up. (There's a girl in my form class who is doing year 13 maths. I... I feel so inferior. /o\)
Hahaha this picture is cute in a weird sort of way.
And now, a lulzy Matt picture:
And three pictures of Dom that just kill me. XDD
HAHAHA BEST
anyway that's all, finally!
Goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooodbye!
Lol what an aggravating lame day.
I had sushi for lunch. It was yum! My mother didn't realise that sushi, ramen/udon noodles were Japanese food, as today she said "I've never had Japanese food before!"
In which I told her, "ma, Wagamama's is japanese food. Wagamama is a japanese word. Udon noodles and Ramen are Japanese. Sushi is JAPANESE."
so she then changed her wording to "I have Japanese food all the time!" hahaha.
Anyway, today a whole bunch of people were being SUPERCHUMPS.
It was only a couple of people really, but they're spoiling it for everyone else by saying a whole lot of crap like "OMG DA GROOP IS GOIN TO FALL APART!1!!!!" It's ridiculous. I also feel kind of annoyed by them saying this as they are a new person. I don't know why this counts for anything... it just seems that everything was fine until they came up and started acting absurd and making mountains out of molehills, figuratively but very certainly what they are doing. Them being a new person means that it seems they know all the logistics of our friends and have the tenacity to decide how everyone is behaving. Lol I know this is stupid but it bugs me for some reason. Which isn't really something I should do, always going "the old people" and "the new people." Although it is the truth. And I guess saying that means I don't find them to be a part of the friendship group. (Let me just add I hate using the word group. It's so damn aggravating, just like the phrase "hooking up." ARADGLAHDGOH)
I do find them to be a part- just that hey haven't been around as long so they can't quite make judgments and say things like "the group is falling apart!" when they've been around less than a year.
*facepalm*
Thing is, only a couple of people are mad at one another. This has gotten everyone else involved, and I hate discussing said things because it makes me feel like it's all just escalating if we talk about it. I don't know. Because, talking about it accepts that there's a problem and there really. really isn't. We're all (the sane ones that is) kind of pissed off at the crap starters now for being idiotic.
Basically, one person has gone crazy and decided that another friend has to stay away from her because she doesn't want to affect her? Or something? And so is trying to ignore her. One friend has decided to ~*~leave~*~ the group, some others think another one should be kicked out because she's too young and we might have a ~*~bad influence~*~ on her. FFS, we were FINE as far as goddamn influence goes before! Now we're flooded with people who are like LOL I'M CHEATING ON MAH BF WITH LYK 5 PEOPLE LOL"
okay so not that many. But you know. We were just a bit less vapid and guy obsessed to an annoying point than now.
One person, everyone is getting annoyed with (she's the LOL CHEATING one and the one who has decided the group is ~*falling apart~* and accusing people of random crap that I can't even remember now. She thinks the close relationship between two people is ruining the group (what the hell?) and that everyone hates this one other person (not true.) AARGH.
And Laura is all (from the happenings of today, no less!) I wanted to leave the group, I wanted to leave the school!
Eh. What?
I find some people's approach to dealing with things quite absurd.
Firstly, what's this LOL LEAVING THE GROUP 4 EVA BRB crap? It's like they can't deal. Apparently, people freak OUT about the possibility of LYK OMG HAVING A CRUSH ON SOMEONE! AND DEN THEY TOLD THE PERSON I HAVE A CRUSH ON! AND DEY HAVE A CRUSH ON ME LOL SO AWKWARD! TURNS OUT I DON'T HAVE A CRUSH ON THEM! WHOOPS I'D BETTA LEAVE COS IT'S RLLY AWKWARD AND SUCKY. kthx
So I guess that's the deal? And it's so pathetic and everyone's getting reallly riled up and I guess it can be mainly pinpointed to one shit-stirrer. WHOOP-DEE-DO!
Anyway. Let's get away from that angry ranting note and move on to other good stuff!
I PRE-ORDERED THE MUSE LIMITED EDITION BOX SET!! WHOO!!!! It's rad. RAD. TOTALLY RAD.
And here's something I wanted to do: A PICSPAM! WHOOOOO!
Is that six facepalms I hear in the distance?
OH WELL. =| srsface.
This is my chance to blatantly squee over Muse, okay? So... just deal with it for now. You get exciting pictures and you can ignore the keyboardmash. (I have to do it at some point, okay? OKAY?)
'Tis one of my favourite pictures, it's so sparkly. I suggest clicking to enlarge if you happen to care. XD
The annoying thing about blogger is that it puts the html for a picture at the top so you have to move it. RE: The picture: adfhasodighasgoih =D
He looks like a bird here. An awesome weird bird. ...Yeah. XD
This picture is absurd and therefore awesome. LOOK AT HIS FACE. XD
This picture be one of my favourites. =D
\o/!!!!!!!!!
AOGHASFOGHASFDOIGYQROEH WHAT
I have noticed that I seem to have a large amount of really freaky hilarious pictures of Dom. XD Anyway this picture is ASDOIGHASGIOH =D Matt looks FLUFFY. I know that's really rather odd but just look! LOOK. LOOK AT THIS PICTURE. FLUFFY. NOSE. MOUTH. WEIRD FLUFFY. What? Don't kill me for squeeing over pictures! /o\
LOOK AT HIS HAIR. LOOK AT IT. asdgehoflooooooooo
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH WHAT.
WHOOO random piano srs picture ftw!
ASDGHADFDFHPERIYQOIUERSNDFBSMDGNBSJHEARGV HERGDFSJIJDFHGAODHGAVOUHTOPUAIHVIOPH OMG
=D =D =D =D HEADPHONES AND AARRGH
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
=D =D =D I love this one it's aaaaah. =D!!!
ASDUHASOGUHASGOIH~!!!!! Best. There are a lot moar pictures that I want to add other than these ones but I'm not going to just to be nice I guess. XD
ORIGIN OF FLUFFINESS
AGAHSGOPIASHGSOIGH I know my comments are so intelligent and insightful. Shut up. (There's a girl in my form class who is doing year 13 maths. I... I feel so inferior. /o\)
Hahaha this picture is cute in a weird sort of way.
And now, a lulzy Matt picture:
And three pictures of Dom that just kill me. XDD
HAHAHA BEST
anyway that's all, finally!
Goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooodbye!
Friday, July 17, 2009
Insufferable Troglodytes! Or some such thing.
Number of times mistaken for a guy: 10.
Hurhurhur. I have to wonder. That's only the number of times I have been aware that people thought I was a guy- something they would have said to me. Yesterday it was "are you two boys enjoying your holidays?" Oooh, it's bad when shop people say it. I feel bad and I have to get out of there. Don't really mind otherwise, but I just feel really weird having the word "boy" associated with me because it doesn't feel right at all. I'm a girl, people! Despite any evidence to the contrary.
So yeah, if people who have talked to me think I'm a guy, I wonder how many people who just see me walking along think I am a guy. Hahaha. Personally I don't really see how- my face doesn't seem particularly guyish. It seems more, girlishly structured. I guess it's just the hair and the clothes. XDD
I am reading 1984! Finally. That sure angers up the blood, much like reading Animal Farm did. Hahah. There's something about those books, you know the ideas in them that make me want to go AAARRRGGH WHYYY!!!!! HBNARRGHGSKANAGHAE!!!!! Those stupid pigs in Animal Farm and the insane! stuff in 1984. Daaaaaaaamn. Truly impossible to do anything! But the freakiest part was when that guy who was working on the dictionary goes on about how the language will eventually be structured to be only a few small words, and that all of history and literature from the past would be erased, no shakespeare, no nothing. Just a few root words and their stemming words, ie, "good". Becomes ungood, or bonusgood or superbigbonusgood (or whatever it was) replacing words like marvellous! wonderful! fantastic! and so on. And the fact that people actually go along with this and manage to be completely brainwashed by this insanity and the insensitivity towards violence, AAERRRRGGHH!!! Anywho, it's great. Although Winston sure was a super jerkass kid. O_o
ANYWAY!
I verily much want Muse to hurry up and release the next parts of the United States Of Eurasia song. But I guess I have to be patient while people run around the Eurasian landmass at geostrategically placed points... or some such thing. XD
Welp. I guess that's all. Fascinating I know.... =D
Edit: WOAH. WOAH. Okay. So United States Of Eurasia starts with this soulful piano, some violins and whatnot in the background, some gentle lyrics, tra la la, very nice to listen to. Presently some quiet drums start in the background, just a slow rhythm. But this only goes for about a minute, and out of nowhere- he gets angry, crescendo!! loud!!!! HIGH PITCH, WAILING GUITARS!!!! Basically Bohemian Rhapsody if you need any idea hahah. Matt's voice is very strong! Loud drums and then we suddenly get this bizarre arabian thing going on, some clapping/clicking stuff (they recorded in a bathroom?) thudding drums WHOOOOOOOO!!!!
And that's all for now. ARASGHASGKASGLAKSJGWORIHT
=D
Hurhurhur. I have to wonder. That's only the number of times I have been aware that people thought I was a guy- something they would have said to me. Yesterday it was "are you two boys enjoying your holidays?" Oooh, it's bad when shop people say it. I feel bad and I have to get out of there. Don't really mind otherwise, but I just feel really weird having the word "boy" associated with me because it doesn't feel right at all. I'm a girl, people! Despite any evidence to the contrary.
So yeah, if people who have talked to me think I'm a guy, I wonder how many people who just see me walking along think I am a guy. Hahaha. Personally I don't really see how- my face doesn't seem particularly guyish. It seems more, girlishly structured. I guess it's just the hair and the clothes. XDD
I am reading 1984! Finally. That sure angers up the blood, much like reading Animal Farm did. Hahah. There's something about those books, you know the ideas in them that make me want to go AAARRRGGH WHYYY!!!!! HBNARRGHGSKANAGHAE!!!!! Those stupid pigs in Animal Farm and the insane! stuff in 1984. Daaaaaaaamn. Truly impossible to do anything! But the freakiest part was when that guy who was working on the dictionary goes on about how the language will eventually be structured to be only a few small words, and that all of history and literature from the past would be erased, no shakespeare, no nothing. Just a few root words and their stemming words, ie, "good". Becomes ungood, or bonusgood or superbigbonusgood (or whatever it was) replacing words like marvellous! wonderful! fantastic! and so on. And the fact that people actually go along with this and manage to be completely brainwashed by this insanity and the insensitivity towards violence, AAERRRRGGHH!!! Anywho, it's great. Although Winston sure was a super jerkass kid. O_o
ANYWAY!
I verily much want Muse to hurry up and release the next parts of the United States Of Eurasia song. But I guess I have to be patient while people run around the Eurasian landmass at geostrategically placed points... or some such thing. XD
Welp. I guess that's all. Fascinating I know.... =D
Edit: WOAH. WOAH. Okay. So United States Of Eurasia starts with this soulful piano, some violins and whatnot in the background, some gentle lyrics, tra la la, very nice to listen to. Presently some quiet drums start in the background, just a slow rhythm. But this only goes for about a minute, and out of nowhere- he gets angry, crescendo!! loud!!!! HIGH PITCH, WAILING GUITARS!!!! Basically Bohemian Rhapsody if you need any idea hahah. Matt's voice is very strong! Loud drums and then we suddenly get this bizarre arabian thing going on, some clapping/clicking stuff (they recorded in a bathroom?) thudding drums WHOOOOOOOO!!!!
And that's all for now. ARASGHASGKASGLAKSJGWORIHT
=D
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Aw, hell diddly-ding-dong-crap!
I'm in yet another "thinking about my issues" mood.
See, it all began perhaps an hour ago or so, and see, I was emptying the dishwasher and whatnot and thinking about all this stuff in elaborate terms, when yet again it has come to the point where I don't have to talk about it on this blog as it has all been cleared up in my head. Hoorah. (As the point of thinking about all those things was to talk about them in the blog, but then I think about it enough in my head that I no longer have to discuss it. I'm going to discuss it anyway, as articulately as I can. Damn, I didn't think "articulately" would be an actual word. Anyway.)
Mmm, Whittaker's is deliciously good chocolate. Take that, Cadbury!
Here's something. I never ever ever talk about piano. Ever.
So today as I was sitting on the couch, whoop-dee-do, my brother is saying something to my ma. I didn't notice what, but my ma responds with "that's because you're a good piano player and she's a crap one." I waited a few seconds before saying, "what did you say mother? What did you say? What did you just say, mother?" She didn't know what I was talking about and I wasn't about to press matters.
See I've been playing piano for nine years, my brother is four years younger than me and at the same level, just a tad further. He has a different piano teacher to me; one who progresses a lot faster.
I've been playing piano for nine years, and never once have I received a shred of encouragement, not a dot of motivation. Just told, hey there play piano- quit bashing the keys! UR DOIN IT RONG.
So I wanted to quit so much, so so so much and yet I couldn't. I could not ever ever quit, there was no way. I couldn't. And I still can't and I don't want to.
Also, I've never had motivation to play till now; which is why I find it so difficult to be motivated anyway. I'll go, "ALRIGHT. I HAVE A GOAL. LET'S DO THIS...aww, jeez, I can't be freakin' bothered. I'll do it tomorrow."
I'm that way with everything, actually, but that's irrelevant.
Sooooo, I guess you could say that motivation is Matt Bellamy? Okay, okay, yeah the dude from Muse and everyone is sick of hearing me talk about Muse- but if someone I knew liked Muse as much as I do and talked about them with me, maybe I wouldn't go on about them all the time to everyone else as much. Srsly though, the only songs my friends know by them are Starlight and Supermassive Black Hole. Before I perused the internet to find out about Muse, I thought Starlight was a gorgeous song! That piano, guys. Great! But turns out it's kind of hated for being a single, and being more simplistic, generally considered pretty sucky to the max. Well daaaaaamn. Anywho, I facepalmed nontheless when the only songs my friends knew were Starlight and SMBH. (Excluding Alice- I know you know more songs XD)
So yeah, Matt- he's a mad lunatic genius and sometimes I worry about him- he seems deadly serious about some of his conspiracy theories, but that's okay. XD
But yeah, he's a ridiculously good pianist and okay, I feel like I'm too old to become a good pianist anymore, because I'm 15 and that's always too late to become an amazing talent, you have to be four years old and playing FANTASIE IMPROMPTU, or, 15 and playing FANTASIE IMPROMPTU. (Uh yeah there's a girl in my year who can play that. Hmph.)
And, so far, he's the only inspiration I've ever had to keep playing the piano. And, okay, I do suck at the piano- all my friends will go "NO YOU'RE NOT! YOU'RE AMAZING!" but that's only because they don't play piano and they're my friends. So yes. I do suck. But for my mother to say that in front of my face while not actually talking to me is kind of the worst thing for anyone to hear. Maybe I do suck, but it would be nice to hear some encouragement once in a while! Some sign that you want me to continue playing!
So sometimes when I get most inspired to do stuff, to BE THE BEST EVER AT EVERYTHING I DO, I'm fueled by anger and spite. Which is probably not good but, thing is, it always fades and I lose the moment, the moment of I'M GOING TO SHOW EVERYONE, THE BASTARDS.
Because I do that a lot, and I always don't do it. But now I feel that I have to do something, I've already lost the will to try hard but I can't. I have to be better so that one day, I can go: "I'd like to say thank you, to my friends, for being awesome most of the time, thanks to my father, my brother, you people are alright. Thank you for choosing me to have this, uh "good at the piano" award. Cheers."
And for my mother to go- hang on. Where's my thanks? And to confront me later.
"Oh, your thanks? Yeah. Thanks, ma, for never believing in me. Thanks for never helping me. Thanks for making me do my best with no help whatsoever. I had to drag myself up from the pit of sucky all by myself with no encouragement, no words, no help. Thanks."
Thanks a lot.
That's not sincere, by the way. In case you hadn't noticed, I was being somewhat sarcastic.
I could go on, talk about other things, about how sometimes I am deeply angered by stuff, but I tend to do that a lot, and you know, start delving in to all my ISSUES AS A PERSON and why I hate it whenever anyone does anything. But I won't.
I think I'll just leave it at that, whoop-dee-freakin'-do.
See, it all began perhaps an hour ago or so, and see, I was emptying the dishwasher and whatnot and thinking about all this stuff in elaborate terms, when yet again it has come to the point where I don't have to talk about it on this blog as it has all been cleared up in my head. Hoorah. (As the point of thinking about all those things was to talk about them in the blog, but then I think about it enough in my head that I no longer have to discuss it. I'm going to discuss it anyway, as articulately as I can. Damn, I didn't think "articulately" would be an actual word. Anyway.)
Mmm, Whittaker's is deliciously good chocolate. Take that, Cadbury!
Here's something. I never ever ever talk about piano. Ever.
So today as I was sitting on the couch, whoop-dee-do, my brother is saying something to my ma. I didn't notice what, but my ma responds with "that's because you're a good piano player and she's a crap one." I waited a few seconds before saying, "what did you say mother? What did you say? What did you just say, mother?" She didn't know what I was talking about and I wasn't about to press matters.
See I've been playing piano for nine years, my brother is four years younger than me and at the same level, just a tad further. He has a different piano teacher to me; one who progresses a lot faster.
I've been playing piano for nine years, and never once have I received a shred of encouragement, not a dot of motivation. Just told, hey there play piano- quit bashing the keys! UR DOIN IT RONG.
So I wanted to quit so much, so so so much and yet I couldn't. I could not ever ever quit, there was no way. I couldn't. And I still can't and I don't want to.
Also, I've never had motivation to play till now; which is why I find it so difficult to be motivated anyway. I'll go, "ALRIGHT. I HAVE A GOAL. LET'S DO THIS...aww, jeez, I can't be freakin' bothered. I'll do it tomorrow."
I'm that way with everything, actually, but that's irrelevant.
Sooooo, I guess you could say that motivation is Matt Bellamy? Okay, okay, yeah the dude from Muse and everyone is sick of hearing me talk about Muse- but if someone I knew liked Muse as much as I do and talked about them with me, maybe I wouldn't go on about them all the time to everyone else as much. Srsly though, the only songs my friends know by them are Starlight and Supermassive Black Hole. Before I perused the internet to find out about Muse, I thought Starlight was a gorgeous song! That piano, guys. Great! But turns out it's kind of hated for being a single, and being more simplistic, generally considered pretty sucky to the max. Well daaaaaamn. Anywho, I facepalmed nontheless when the only songs my friends knew were Starlight and SMBH. (Excluding Alice- I know you know more songs XD)
So yeah, Matt- he's a mad lunatic genius and sometimes I worry about him- he seems deadly serious about some of his conspiracy theories, but that's okay. XD
But yeah, he's a ridiculously good pianist and okay, I feel like I'm too old to become a good pianist anymore, because I'm 15 and that's always too late to become an amazing talent, you have to be four years old and playing FANTASIE IMPROMPTU, or, 15 and playing FANTASIE IMPROMPTU. (Uh yeah there's a girl in my year who can play that. Hmph.)
And, so far, he's the only inspiration I've ever had to keep playing the piano. And, okay, I do suck at the piano- all my friends will go "NO YOU'RE NOT! YOU'RE AMAZING!" but that's only because they don't play piano and they're my friends. So yes. I do suck. But for my mother to say that in front of my face while not actually talking to me is kind of the worst thing for anyone to hear. Maybe I do suck, but it would be nice to hear some encouragement once in a while! Some sign that you want me to continue playing!
So sometimes when I get most inspired to do stuff, to BE THE BEST EVER AT EVERYTHING I DO, I'm fueled by anger and spite. Which is probably not good but, thing is, it always fades and I lose the moment, the moment of I'M GOING TO SHOW EVERYONE, THE BASTARDS.
Because I do that a lot, and I always don't do it. But now I feel that I have to do something, I've already lost the will to try hard but I can't. I have to be better so that one day, I can go: "I'd like to say thank you, to my friends, for being awesome most of the time, thanks to my father, my brother, you people are alright. Thank you for choosing me to have this, uh "good at the piano" award. Cheers."
And for my mother to go- hang on. Where's my thanks? And to confront me later.
"Oh, your thanks? Yeah. Thanks, ma, for never believing in me. Thanks for never helping me. Thanks for making me do my best with no help whatsoever. I had to drag myself up from the pit of sucky all by myself with no encouragement, no words, no help. Thanks."
Thanks a lot.
That's not sincere, by the way. In case you hadn't noticed, I was being somewhat sarcastic.
I could go on, talk about other things, about how sometimes I am deeply angered by stuff, but I tend to do that a lot, and you know, start delving in to all my ISSUES AS A PERSON and why I hate it whenever anyone does anything. But I won't.
I think I'll just leave it at that, whoop-dee-freakin'-do.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Sucky to the max
Okay I'm pissed. I missed the Green Day presale tickets (it was only for 24 hours jeez) and my old email account deactivated, a cool person on livejournal deleted their account, my facebook account was banned a few days ago and they didn't bother to explain why, I have another week of school and only a fortnight of holidays, I have a maths internal and a speech to do, JESUS CHRIST THIS IS A WHOLE LOAD OF CRAP.
Also I am using a sucky loaner computer! IT IS SUCKY TO THE MAX. It never goes to sleep? so you'll close it but it will stay on. So it's really hot and it dies quickly. Also the resolution of the screen is messed up and I don't know how to fix it, so whenever I scroll down it goes all slow and jerky and everything is wide and blurry. Ugh!
Also we got an external hard drive which is cool. Hmm.
Ssooooo.
I had stuff to say but I think I'll say it some other day. For now I should sleep or something... I have to write a speech. Yeah, yeah I have to do that. And, uh, learn it off by heart or some such thing. God. I'm screwed.
Good...night????
Also I am using a sucky loaner computer! IT IS SUCKY TO THE MAX. It never goes to sleep? so you'll close it but it will stay on. So it's really hot and it dies quickly. Also the resolution of the screen is messed up and I don't know how to fix it, so whenever I scroll down it goes all slow and jerky and everything is wide and blurry. Ugh!
Also we got an external hard drive which is cool. Hmm.
Ssooooo.
I had stuff to say but I think I'll say it some other day. For now I should sleep or something... I have to write a speech. Yeah, yeah I have to do that. And, uh, learn it off by heart or some such thing. God. I'm screwed.
Good...night????
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Oh my god I'm dying
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh my respiratory system is deciding to fail today. I inhale, okay mild pain in the oesophagusal area, then I exhale COUGH COUGH PAIN AARGH. It's just this annoying discomfort everywhere! It's awful. I know it doesn't sound awful but seriously, small tiny things can just RUIN YOUR LIFE!!!!!! no really it's awful. I hate it. It's horrible to breathe. And I just feel really rubbish in me lungs. Also I had sugar and now I'm all like WOOAOOAAOAH srsly though carbonated drinks these days! And don't get me started on energy drinks. For gods sake. Those things are just pure sugar, in liquid form. That's all. It's not like they even give you much energy! So having one every morning as a claim that you "need your energy" like some sort of businessman with coffee, is completely ABSURD!!!! For the love of god!!!! I mean really. You drink one of those and your teeth just... die a little inside. XDD hahahah!!!!!!!!! OH MAN OH GOD JEEZ also one time I had an energy drink and it was ATROCIOUS!!! and they put SO MUCH IN THEM!!!! they just HAD to make the drinks SUPER HUGE and give them EXTREME names like DEEEEMOOON, MOOOOTHEERRR, IIIIIIINK, RRRRRRAAARRRGGGGGHG ENERGY TO THE MAX ADFAHSDFOASDHFASDOARRRRGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
anyway I believe I said, "don't get me started on energy drinks." Well thanks a LOT GUYS, YOU COMPLETELY FAILED THAT ONE SMALL TASK.
I want to sleep sooooooo badly.
ohhhhhhhhhhhhh goddddd I want to sleep
Still my dad said I probably shouldn't go to school tomorrow and HELL YEAH I AM DOWN WITH THAT. This has been the WORST WEEK OF MY LIFE, for serious. Jesus christ!! I mean, it's not like serious bad. It's just all these small things building up to make this week lameass. That and it had no redeeming features whatsoever. It was just BOREDOM. ALL THE TIME. GOD. I just couldn't be BOTHERED doing ANYTHING. This probably has to do with it being mufti day and a whole heap of people being gone on a trip which gave a more laid back feel so no one really did much.
hahaha I edited my el jay page so it looks all nice and fancy like. I'm a bit of a novice at the old CSS. Fun times!!!! And before, I was lying on the ground laughing hysterically and throwing raisin boxes in the air that I found under the couch which I found hilarious. God I'm a MESS!!!
I don't want to go to school. =[ I'm going to say, NAY
weeeeeeeeell it felt good to get that all out. What a mess of garbled english.
Heheh lastfm just found 700+ scrobbles on my ipod. WHOOHOO get ready, lastfm profile! YOUSA GONNA GET ATTACKED
kill me now plz
anyway I believe I said, "don't get me started on energy drinks." Well thanks a LOT GUYS, YOU COMPLETELY FAILED THAT ONE SMALL TASK.
I want to sleep sooooooo badly.
ohhhhhhhhhhhhh goddddd I want to sleep
Still my dad said I probably shouldn't go to school tomorrow and HELL YEAH I AM DOWN WITH THAT. This has been the WORST WEEK OF MY LIFE, for serious. Jesus christ!! I mean, it's not like serious bad. It's just all these small things building up to make this week lameass. That and it had no redeeming features whatsoever. It was just BOREDOM. ALL THE TIME. GOD. I just couldn't be BOTHERED doing ANYTHING. This probably has to do with it being mufti day and a whole heap of people being gone on a trip which gave a more laid back feel so no one really did much.
hahaha I edited my el jay page so it looks all nice and fancy like. I'm a bit of a novice at the old CSS. Fun times!!!! And before, I was lying on the ground laughing hysterically and throwing raisin boxes in the air that I found under the couch which I found hilarious. God I'm a MESS!!!
I don't want to go to school. =[ I'm going to say, NAY
weeeeeeeeell it felt good to get that all out. What a mess of garbled english.
Heheh lastfm just found 700+ scrobbles on my ipod. WHOOHOO get ready, lastfm profile! YOUSA GONNA GET ATTACKED
kill me now plz
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
I'm afraid he couldn't "bee" here
I am in a super bad mood.
I thought about this before in my mind, so I can't be bothered elaborating now. Let's keep it concise. I refuse to give a fuck what people think now. Don't you look at me disdainfully, with your "wtf srsly? that's so lame" face. People who look down on stuff think they're better than those who like stuff, because they can "see" that the thing sucks and they aren't deluded. I have talked about this before. Just PISS OFF. I don't give a shit. I don't care that doing something means you have no life, or that you have too much free time. I'll act however I want and like whatever I want and do whatever I want and say whatever I want and I don't care what you think because you are wrong. Okay?
Glad we cleared that up. I'm not going to defend myself anymore because I shouldn't have to. So if you say "why do you like that band?" I'm not going to go, "I just do, okay! I just like them! I dunno!" I'll just say "what the fuck do you care? Piss off"
complete with swearing. GOODNESS GRACIOUS
See I only swear if I'm pissed off. It just seems unnecessary otherwise. Like a certain someone... who kept freakin swearing all the time the other day. It just seemed pathetic like they were trying too hard. And it was the way they said it, so harshly. Like FFFUCK with the F so hard and angry and disgusting.
See in my head I swear a lot, and it's soft. You know, like, "aw crap not that damn hell ass crap bitches!" okay I don't say that. Hahah, what I'm saying is that it's just casual annoyance so the sounds are soft and roll off the brain tongue. But when you say it, it should come out soft as well if you don't mean it angrily. Look, obnoxious unnecessary swearing just angers me, okay?
So shuuuut the fuuuuuuuuuck up! =D
GARRRRRRRRR
Also I hate getting put in to a mould. People seem to think lately that I'm cute and innocent and sweet and would never hit anyone, and I never swear tra la laa~~!!! Grrr. I'm not "cute" gtfo. I'm not a "hardcore cool tough dude" either. I'm in the middle. Don't mollycoddle me! AARGH screw you guys
I need a friend who is like me but not. Someone who doesn't follow the constraints of society, using slang of the now and saying stuff like "just cassh." Woah how do you spell that actually? You know, casual without the ual. And doesn't always go on about having no life and doesn't always talk about OOOH BOYS SO HOT LOL!!!!!! someone who knows what I'm talking about, is a fandom person without the obnoxiousness you sometimes get with people who are always like "I has a cheeseburger" or "stupid song is stupid" because that's an internet person, not a fandom person. GOD DAMMIT
Goodbye.
I thought about this before in my mind, so I can't be bothered elaborating now. Let's keep it concise. I refuse to give a fuck what people think now. Don't you look at me disdainfully, with your "wtf srsly? that's so lame" face. People who look down on stuff think they're better than those who like stuff, because they can "see" that the thing sucks and they aren't deluded. I have talked about this before. Just PISS OFF. I don't give a shit. I don't care that doing something means you have no life, or that you have too much free time. I'll act however I want and like whatever I want and do whatever I want and say whatever I want and I don't care what you think because you are wrong. Okay?
Glad we cleared that up. I'm not going to defend myself anymore because I shouldn't have to. So if you say "why do you like that band?" I'm not going to go, "I just do, okay! I just like them! I dunno!" I'll just say "what the fuck do you care? Piss off"
complete with swearing. GOODNESS GRACIOUS
See I only swear if I'm pissed off. It just seems unnecessary otherwise. Like a certain someone... who kept freakin swearing all the time the other day. It just seemed pathetic like they were trying too hard. And it was the way they said it, so harshly. Like FFFUCK with the F so hard and angry and disgusting.
See in my head I swear a lot, and it's soft. You know, like, "aw crap not that damn hell ass crap bitches!" okay I don't say that. Hahah, what I'm saying is that it's just casual annoyance so the sounds are soft and roll off the brain tongue. But when you say it, it should come out soft as well if you don't mean it angrily. Look, obnoxious unnecessary swearing just angers me, okay?
So shuuuut the fuuuuuuuuuck up! =D
GARRRRRRRRR
Also I hate getting put in to a mould. People seem to think lately that I'm cute and innocent and sweet and would never hit anyone, and I never swear tra la laa~~!!! Grrr. I'm not "cute" gtfo. I'm not a "hardcore cool tough dude" either. I'm in the middle. Don't mollycoddle me! AARGH screw you guys
I need a friend who is like me but not. Someone who doesn't follow the constraints of society, using slang of the now and saying stuff like "just cassh." Woah how do you spell that actually? You know, casual without the ual. And doesn't always go on about having no life and doesn't always talk about OOOH BOYS SO HOT LOL!!!!!! someone who knows what I'm talking about, is a fandom person without the obnoxiousness you sometimes get with people who are always like "I has a cheeseburger" or "stupid song is stupid" because that's an internet person, not a fandom person. GOD DAMMIT
Goodbye.
Monday, April 27, 2009
What's that? School is stupid? Why yes, yes it is!
ooh guess what I just removed from my room, a bunk bed that has been in there for 6 years. I MISS IT. =[ but I HAVE SO MUCH SPACE IN MY ROOM NOW. It looks really drab though. XDD
Anyway, I have decided that I am only going to go on the interwebs when I am watching tv. Because if I'm not doing anything while watching tv I might as well go on the internet then. XD Wish me luck with sticking to this regime. I need to get a new desk now.
So! School tomorrow, that's going to be fun.
Not.
Do very much so not like it.
Kay so Imma go now.
=|
House tomorrow. I don't want to watch it. =[
Anyway, I have decided that I am only going to go on the interwebs when I am watching tv. Because if I'm not doing anything while watching tv I might as well go on the internet then. XD Wish me luck with sticking to this regime. I need to get a new desk now.
So! School tomorrow, that's going to be fun.
Not.
Do very much so not like it.
Kay so Imma go now.
=|
House tomorrow. I don't want to watch it. =[
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Garrrrrrrrrr
Okay so school actually doesn't start on Wednesday. It starts on Tuesday.
AARRRRGGHHHH
MAN THAT'S ANNOYING
a whole day of holiday taken away from me.
......oh well.
>=[
soooooooooo yeah.
=|
hahahahaaha
coherency: I do not have it.
Okay this next bit is me just... rambling about guitars and stuff. listing. guitars. completely boring so you don't have to read it XDDDD
Matthew Bellamy's Guitars are the most drool-worthy guitars in the world. If I won the lottery, I would kind of have to buy one. They're around 10,000 New Zealand dollars. They're insane. I love them. I love all of them.
O_________________________O
The Glitterati and The Bomber and the most super uber customised one... that I don't know the name of. Haha it's called The Black Manson. The seven string Jazz Manson, The Seattle Manson and the M1D1 Manson (he smashed it!) Oooh I like the Mirror Manson. GAH SILVER BOMBER is uber shiny. Yes I AM telling you about all the guitars. In incredibly minor detail. Shut up. OOOOH Laser Manson. I've never really seen that one. IDK about the Ali Top one? Kaoss Manson... some of these guitars look pretty similar so Idk. ANYWAY YEAH.
DROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
OH and that random guitar used in Hoodoo is ridiculously pretty. So yeah. Hahaha the rust relic one is cool. DUDE he has a LOT of guitars... or has had a lot of guitars. Phoar.
He threw one in the sea.
ASFASDFASD THE JT-RES ONE FOR PLUG IN BABY MUSIC VIDEO
is AMAZING
look you can just go now I'm just going to be flailing about these guitars okay. hahahaha. I'm kind of dying here though. These guitars are all EPIC. =D
Hmm, wiki says he threw the guitar in to the sand, not the sea. XD
ahaha fender stratocaster is an awesome name for a guitar
oooh but the Hoodoo guitar is a PRS 513 and it's ridiculously cool
ooooh Londaxe is a strange one
woah what? an eight string bass? O_o
and a ridiculously awesome electric double bass
OKAY I could just ramble some more buuuuuuuuuuuuut I wont
au revoir
AARRRRGGHHHH
MAN THAT'S ANNOYING
a whole day of holiday taken away from me.
......oh well.
>=[
soooooooooo yeah.
=|
hahahahaaha
coherency: I do not have it.
Okay this next bit is me just... rambling about guitars and stuff. listing. guitars. completely boring so you don't have to read it XDDDD
Matthew Bellamy's Guitars are the most drool-worthy guitars in the world. If I won the lottery, I would kind of have to buy one. They're around 10,000 New Zealand dollars. They're insane. I love them. I love all of them.
O_________________________O
The Glitterati and The Bomber and the most super uber customised one... that I don't know the name of. Haha it's called The Black Manson. The seven string Jazz Manson, The Seattle Manson and the M1D1 Manson (he smashed it!) Oooh I like the Mirror Manson. GAH SILVER BOMBER is uber shiny. Yes I AM telling you about all the guitars. In incredibly minor detail. Shut up. OOOOH Laser Manson. I've never really seen that one. IDK about the Ali Top one? Kaoss Manson... some of these guitars look pretty similar so Idk. ANYWAY YEAH.
DROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
OH and that random guitar used in Hoodoo is ridiculously pretty. So yeah. Hahaha the rust relic one is cool. DUDE he has a LOT of guitars... or has had a lot of guitars. Phoar.
He threw one in the sea.
ASFASDFASD THE JT-RES ONE FOR PLUG IN BABY MUSIC VIDEO
is AMAZING
look you can just go now I'm just going to be flailing about these guitars okay. hahahaha. I'm kind of dying here though. These guitars are all EPIC. =D
Hmm, wiki says he threw the guitar in to the sand, not the sea. XD
ahaha fender stratocaster is an awesome name for a guitar
oooh but the Hoodoo guitar is a PRS 513 and it's ridiculously cool
ooooh Londaxe is a strange one
woah what? an eight string bass? O_o
and a ridiculously awesome electric double bass
OKAY I could just ramble some more buuuuuuuuuuuuut I wont
au revoir
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
They cause me to, uhm, die.
Ooooooooooh I can totally play the beginning of Space Dementia
it's pretty awesome
also I had a strange dream, and... hahahaha.
I think it was because the thing it was based around I hadn't thought about much, and then that day I had been thinking about it more? It had been forced in to my mind? (which is a good thing)
It was weird.
STRANGE! I am amused by it.
Wow I just heard some insane shrieking cats. Whoo.
OH YES today I was told about this thing. Toxoplasmosis! It goes in rats, and makes them bold so they go out in the day and when they usually wouldn't go out, so cats are more likely to catch them, and then they poo and it goes in the dirt and people do gardening without gloves and then the parasite goes in their brain and EATS IT.
Okay it doesn't eat it. But it's bad.
So because of this, I now believe that zombies will contain toxoplasmosis in them somewhere because they are so obsessed with eating brains. Zombies could just be a really massive toxoplasmosis parasite. Hahaha.
...yeah.
I have been downloading lots of muse videos from teh yewtyoobz. (wow what a messed up purposeful misspelling. Ftw!)
Oops I should email that homework. Heh.
Aaaaaaaaaannnywayyyy... what's the deal with stuff.
I feel like rambling but not.
Alsoo... I have this writing thing I have to resubmit and I haven't done it because it's LAME. L-A-M-E. I never want to see it again.
I mean, you cannot expect a not very strongly opinionated person to write a strong opinion piece! Jeez.
Grrr...
I think people are too obsessed with intelligence? (I am now going to be completely hypocritical and say if I had the chance to be a genius then OMG PLEASE LET ME BE SUPER INTELLIGENT I WANT NOTHING MORE.) I mean you can't really blame anyone for anything, it's technically their parents fault.
"you're dumb!"
"blame my parents."
Seriously, they are kind of the reason for everything that could be wrong in your life.
EVERYTHING! Although, why are they like that? because of their parents? So you can't really blame them. It kind of... doesn't work. BLAME THE WORLD! XD
So yeah people shouldn't be so judgmental, it seems that you can ONLY get a good job, get in to universities if you are a super hard studier, hard worker, really smart and intelligent. It's not really fair to not allow people of normal intelligence who don't work super hard 100% of the time to go to universities and have an equal chance of a good life. Yeah hard work should be rewarded and all that but can you really expect every single person in the world to be extremely diligent? Some people still want to do well but personalities and habits will often get in the way of that. Some people just don't WANT to spend their whole weekend revising algebra. Life seems to revolve around school, and it really shouldn't. It does take up basically most of your life, but it's because of that that it shouldn't mix with outside of school life! You know? YOU NEED TIME FOR YOURSELF. hahaha.
Also. School + home life? Today our dean was like "and so and so's grandfather just died, so be careful as she'll be quite fragile."
This made me... quite annoyed.
Firstly- this obsession with community spirit. Look, people aren't going to bond over that sort of thing. People do NOT want their private lives ALWAYS being shared with complete strangers. It's not really appropriate, particularly if you don't know whether or not that person is fine with you discussing it with strangers.
Look, you are more likely to be upset by someone sharing that news with everyone than you are by the fact that said person has died! I mean really, it's NOBODY'S business what happens in someone's personal life, and trying to pass it off as "I just don't want them to be insulted because this is a tough time for them" is not really a good excuse.
It's also rude to assume someone's emotional state. Fragile? Come on, who likes being called fragile, especially when you are NOT feeling fragile? Just... no.
Anyway. Yeah. Too much influence put on intelligence and EXAMS and crap. YEAH intelligence is important obviously! But it's very... varied. Intelligence- decided at birth or depending on how much you are taught in school? Amirite?
I'm not sure what I'm trying to say here, but, you know, don't be so critical of less smart people. THEY HAVE FEELINGS TOO.
Also, COMPLETELY UNRELATED, I don't know how to do a segue... (man is that correct spelling?) but LOL SLASH AND YAOI.
See, some people (I think more the ones who use the term yaoi as opposed to slash but HEY GENERALISATION) like slash for the "hawt" and will find it "hawt" no matter who or what. Which is... pretty shallow. See, the "slash" things I like, I like them because they are FUNNY.
I like quite a lot of things, but they pretty much all have a basis in LOLS.
Sasunaru? LOLS AWKWARD ANIMATION!!!
Well most naruto things are generally crack pairings considering I totally haven't followed the manga since like forever. (I miss good times old times naruto. CHUUNIN EXAMS FTW, nothing else compares really XD)
Fotc? it's a COMEDY, any homoeroticism is going to be kind of epic lols.
That one thing? AHAHAHAHAHA.
Does this make sense?
No, most likely not. But what I'm saying is, I'M NOT SHALLOW. =|
I think it's kind of silly to just go "OMG BOY LOVE KAWAII!!!!!!!!! SO CUTE!!! IF U DON'T THINK IT'S GUD THEN U R A HOMOHPOBE!!11 DEAL WIT IT, BUT EWW YURI IS LYK SO GROSS"
HAHAHAA Okay I know it's not all like that don't worry, but you know.
In short: hahahahahaha GOOD TIMES
So this is set out fairly messily so I shall depart for now. But I don't want to, because, I have to do that writing thing. VOMIT.
ALSO: What's the deal with all these vegetarian and vegan bands? Ugh, vegetables. How can you not eat meat? Oh well at least they have strong will power? hahahah
ALSO TWO: I seriously wish I could just live in this big loft apartment by myself. I feel like I would get so much more done. I would play the guitar and piano lots, read books, write, I would DO STUFF because, look. It gets boring with no one around and the computer gets boring too. So I will have to do other stuff. And if I am by myself in a nice aesthetically pleasing place where I can have a nice time I will be more willing to do stuff that is relevant to my interests. I always feel like I am being judged, which leads to me being unwilling to do stuff.
I JUST WANT FREEEEEEEEEEEDOM
and the money to allow me that FREEEEEEDOM
oh yeah and did I mention I wish I was a GENIUS
oh wait- I can't have any of these things. OH WELL!
I added a new label in celebration of this. BOURGEOIS.
(I have this thing where I am jealous of everyone having more money than me. OH CRAP I JUST REMEMBERED FOOD BANK TOMORROW. Hahahahaha wow jeez, close one? Anyway yeah and I go to my friends "but you're rich" and they get all insulted and go "no I'm not!!!" yeah but you HAVE MORE MONEY. It's just a fact, there is nothing implied that comes with that statement. Basically I- I want more money?)
it's pretty awesome
also I had a strange dream, and... hahahaha.
I think it was because the thing it was based around I hadn't thought about much, and then that day I had been thinking about it more? It had been forced in to my mind? (which is a good thing)
It was weird.
STRANGE! I am amused by it.
Wow I just heard some insane shrieking cats. Whoo.
OH YES today I was told about this thing. Toxoplasmosis! It goes in rats, and makes them bold so they go out in the day and when they usually wouldn't go out, so cats are more likely to catch them, and then they poo and it goes in the dirt and people do gardening without gloves and then the parasite goes in their brain and EATS IT.
Okay it doesn't eat it. But it's bad.
So because of this, I now believe that zombies will contain toxoplasmosis in them somewhere because they are so obsessed with eating brains. Zombies could just be a really massive toxoplasmosis parasite. Hahaha.
...yeah.
I have been downloading lots of muse videos from teh yewtyoobz. (wow what a messed up purposeful misspelling. Ftw!)
Oops I should email that homework. Heh.
Aaaaaaaaaannnywayyyy... what's the deal with stuff.
I feel like rambling but not.
Alsoo... I have this writing thing I have to resubmit and I haven't done it because it's LAME. L-A-M-E. I never want to see it again.
I mean, you cannot expect a not very strongly opinionated person to write a strong opinion piece! Jeez.
Grrr...
I think people are too obsessed with intelligence? (I am now going to be completely hypocritical and say if I had the chance to be a genius then OMG PLEASE LET ME BE SUPER INTELLIGENT I WANT NOTHING MORE.) I mean you can't really blame anyone for anything, it's technically their parents fault.
"you're dumb!"
"blame my parents."
Seriously, they are kind of the reason for everything that could be wrong in your life.
EVERYTHING! Although, why are they like that? because of their parents? So you can't really blame them. It kind of... doesn't work. BLAME THE WORLD! XD
So yeah people shouldn't be so judgmental, it seems that you can ONLY get a good job, get in to universities if you are a super hard studier, hard worker, really smart and intelligent. It's not really fair to not allow people of normal intelligence who don't work super hard 100% of the time to go to universities and have an equal chance of a good life. Yeah hard work should be rewarded and all that but can you really expect every single person in the world to be extremely diligent? Some people still want to do well but personalities and habits will often get in the way of that. Some people just don't WANT to spend their whole weekend revising algebra. Life seems to revolve around school, and it really shouldn't. It does take up basically most of your life, but it's because of that that it shouldn't mix with outside of school life! You know? YOU NEED TIME FOR YOURSELF. hahaha.
Also. School + home life? Today our dean was like "and so and so's grandfather just died, so be careful as she'll be quite fragile."
This made me... quite annoyed.
Firstly- this obsession with community spirit. Look, people aren't going to bond over that sort of thing. People do NOT want their private lives ALWAYS being shared with complete strangers. It's not really appropriate, particularly if you don't know whether or not that person is fine with you discussing it with strangers.
Look, you are more likely to be upset by someone sharing that news with everyone than you are by the fact that said person has died! I mean really, it's NOBODY'S business what happens in someone's personal life, and trying to pass it off as "I just don't want them to be insulted because this is a tough time for them" is not really a good excuse.
It's also rude to assume someone's emotional state. Fragile? Come on, who likes being called fragile, especially when you are NOT feeling fragile? Just... no.
Anyway. Yeah. Too much influence put on intelligence and EXAMS and crap. YEAH intelligence is important obviously! But it's very... varied. Intelligence- decided at birth or depending on how much you are taught in school? Amirite?
I'm not sure what I'm trying to say here, but, you know, don't be so critical of less smart people. THEY HAVE FEELINGS TOO.
Also, COMPLETELY UNRELATED, I don't know how to do a segue... (man is that correct spelling?) but LOL SLASH AND YAOI.
See, some people (I think more the ones who use the term yaoi as opposed to slash but HEY GENERALISATION) like slash for the "hawt" and will find it "hawt" no matter who or what. Which is... pretty shallow. See, the "slash" things I like, I like them because they are FUNNY.
I like quite a lot of things, but they pretty much all have a basis in LOLS.
Sasunaru? LOLS AWKWARD ANIMATION!!!
Well most naruto things are generally crack pairings considering I totally haven't followed the manga since like forever. (I miss good times old times naruto. CHUUNIN EXAMS FTW, nothing else compares really XD)
Fotc? it's a COMEDY, any homoeroticism is going to be kind of epic lols.
That one thing? AHAHAHAHAHA.
Does this make sense?
No, most likely not. But what I'm saying is, I'M NOT SHALLOW. =|
I think it's kind of silly to just go "OMG BOY LOVE KAWAII!!!!!!!!! SO CUTE!!! IF U DON'T THINK IT'S GUD THEN U R A HOMOHPOBE!!11 DEAL WIT IT, BUT EWW YURI IS LYK SO GROSS"
HAHAHAA Okay I know it's not all like that don't worry, but you know.
In short: hahahahahaha GOOD TIMES
So this is set out fairly messily so I shall depart for now. But I don't want to, because, I have to do that writing thing. VOMIT.
ALSO: What's the deal with all these vegetarian and vegan bands? Ugh, vegetables. How can you not eat meat? Oh well at least they have strong will power? hahahah
ALSO TWO: I seriously wish I could just live in this big loft apartment by myself. I feel like I would get so much more done. I would play the guitar and piano lots, read books, write, I would DO STUFF because, look. It gets boring with no one around and the computer gets boring too. So I will have to do other stuff. And if I am by myself in a nice aesthetically pleasing place where I can have a nice time I will be more willing to do stuff that is relevant to my interests. I always feel like I am being judged, which leads to me being unwilling to do stuff.
I JUST WANT FREEEEEEEEEEEDOM
and the money to allow me that FREEEEEEDOM
oh yeah and did I mention I wish I was a GENIUS
oh wait- I can't have any of these things. OH WELL!
I added a new label in celebration of this. BOURGEOIS.
(I have this thing where I am jealous of everyone having more money than me. OH CRAP I JUST REMEMBERED FOOD BANK TOMORROW. Hahahahaha wow jeez, close one? Anyway yeah and I go to my friends "but you're rich" and they get all insulted and go "no I'm not!!!" yeah but you HAVE MORE MONEY. It's just a fact, there is nothing implied that comes with that statement. Basically I- I want more money?)
Thursday, March 26, 2009
GUESS WHAT
IT'S ACTUALLY: Ye olde town crier proclaimed crappy by all!
TODAY...well.
I mean it sucked and was also cool.
I'm not going to go into details about the sucky thing. (I forgot a neccessary item... neccessary for... getting merit. and...swimming.)
BUT I'M NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT THAT.
Suppressing rage... repressing...suppressing...pushing deep deep down... it's not there, ignoring! La la laa~~~ I am happy and content.
I got home at 6 today. Yeah. I didn't have anything to eat until 3.40, on the way home (which took about an hour) my dad went to the shop for the dinners and bought a bag of chocolate fish and some LEMONADE QUENCHER hahaha I hate the word quencher. I think I dislike words that start with Q. Anyway that was some really good lemonade. It was ICY COLD AND THIRST QUENCHING! hahaha man quench is such a SILLY word. So yeah. I have discovered the joys of drinking stuff out of cartons! IT'S SO EASY! Man. Good times. Tomorrow is Friday did you know?
I am sad! First I had four followers, then one stopped following. Then I got another follower, and then another stopped following and seems to have baleeted their account and blog! I am sad. That is saddening! I liked their blog and didn't get to read their last posts. THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS, PEOPLE POST OKAY I'M LEAVING blogs and leave and I ALWAYS MISS THEM. Damn time differences.
Hurm.
I need to make more specific labels, like cheese, and stupidity. okay they are still fairly vague. I added another one.
TODAY...well.
I mean it sucked and was also cool.
I'm not going to go into details about the sucky thing. (I forgot a neccessary item... neccessary for... getting merit. and...swimming.)
BUT I'M NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT THAT.
Suppressing rage... repressing...suppressing...pushing deep deep down... it's not there, ignoring! La la laa~~~ I am happy and content.
I got home at 6 today. Yeah. I didn't have anything to eat until 3.40, on the way home (which took about an hour) my dad went to the shop for the dinners and bought a bag of chocolate fish and some LEMONADE QUENCHER hahaha I hate the word quencher. I think I dislike words that start with Q. Anyway that was some really good lemonade. It was ICY COLD AND THIRST QUENCHING! hahaha man quench is such a SILLY word. So yeah. I have discovered the joys of drinking stuff out of cartons! IT'S SO EASY! Man. Good times. Tomorrow is Friday did you know?
I am sad! First I had four followers, then one stopped following. Then I got another follower, and then another stopped following and seems to have baleeted their account and blog! I am sad. That is saddening! I liked their blog and didn't get to read their last posts. THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS, PEOPLE POST OKAY I'M LEAVING blogs and leave and I ALWAYS MISS THEM. Damn time differences.
Hurm.
I need to make more specific labels, like cheese, and stupidity. okay they are still fairly vague. I added another one.
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