the world had a short-lived infatuation with blogspot.

All the blogs I follow haven't been updated for a year. =\
I think it's because it's a bit isolated, really. There really isn't much of a sense of community at all. I think that may be important?
Anyway, I'm desperately bored. So I am writing on this because I have no one to talk to.
Why is no one on skype? Actually no one.
I mean, I don't honestly care about the fact that there is no one because I cannot talk to anyone, I mean I care because I only want to talk to one person and I haven't talked to her in about a week. Probably over a week. And she isn't online. And since the start of holidays I keep just staying on the internet whiling away the hours in a bored stupor and she never comes online and I have had Beatles songs stuck in my head for about three days straight. Incessantly. Just all these different songs changing but never leaving. And she's the only person I talk to on skype and the only reason I keep skype open pretty much perpetually.
And I dyed my hair red. It's cool.
I need social interaction with my friends okay
I'm going insane, also.

I'm turning in to Niles Crane. Well actually I already have. Hmm.

fucking hell fucking hell fucking hell.

The most tiny things can drive me insane! I don't mean that in a negative way; it's just something I've learned. It doesn't take much to put me in a complete state of delirious delight.
I mean. It takes next to NOTHING. The tiniest, most miniscule thing and I'll be a mess. Complete mess all over the place. Total nutter. Utterly hopeless.
It has been eight months. Of not knowing. And of confusion. And of over-analysing and trying to look at things in a non-biased, non-judgemental, totally neutral point of view, which is of course completely hopeless because I am in no way non-biased or non-judgemental, my judgement is clouded completely by my own delusions and thoughts and obsessions etc.
God help me.

Seriously. HELP ME. I'M A MESS. A TOTAL UTTER WRECK THAT KEEPS DYING AND MELTING AND EXPLODING AND GRINNING AND DYING AGAIN AND OH GOD HELP ME. HELP ME.
THROW ME A FUCKING BONE, HERE! I CANNOT TAKE ANYTHING AS EVIDENCE, THIS IS UTTERLY VITAL. I NEED SOMETHING REALLY FUCKING OBVIOUS BEFORE I WILL LET MYSELF THINK, THINK AT ALL THAT THERE MIGHT BE A CHANCE OF SUCH A THING HAPPENING.

THOUGH I DOUBT IT. I really fucking do. I'm so completely utterly incomparably inadequate.
and I want to say just as much, I want to say everything, but I refuse to because I believe that even the slightest hint will be too obvious.

Though, honestly? At this point in time? I think it's probably pretty fucking obvious, the way I've been behaving. (Ie like a completely infatuated idiot.)

And yet.
What happens if I'm wrong.
Then I'm just really fucking screwed because there's no way this can be anything other than disastrous.
I just wish I knew. I don't want much, really. I just. I just. I just.

I mean, god, if I'm not wrong, then I will look like a massive creep of an obsessive lunatic.
Hmm. Hmmrightwell. Hmm hmm hmmmmmmmmm.

What in the everloving name of fuck should I do?