You know I'm in a bad mood when I start posting here

I feel so very very shit
I have been on the internet for four fucking hours doing absolutely fucking nothing
I could have read a fucking book in all this time. So why the hell do I stay?
What keeps me here?
It's just a wait. A wait a wait a wast a waste a waiste a waste of time.
ruining my posture curling in to a deformed freak with spinal issues and dead pale skin and ugh fuck
sick of it sick of it I don't know what I want any more, I don't think I ever did, I'm so confused and annoyed and I go from being magnificently, wildly happy and ecstatic and overjoyed to miserable and confused and helpless and hopeless and angry and tired and swearing too much.
I can't seem to stay happy for long.
Things make me happy, I am happy for a little while but then I just sink back in to this misery and pessimism and baww baww my life is so hard because I have nothing to do, baww baww I have a roof over my head and an internet connection and food to eat my life is so fucking difficult god I want to just kill myself because my life is so fucking hard you know, I have so many fucking problems you know?
fuck it.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND. This mindset here, this mood, this is a night time thing, it arrives at night and stays and I am just in this black mood, hating everything, fucking miserable and not knowing why, then by the next day I'm fine and it's like this part of me that gets so bleak is a detached part of my mind, ugh.

I do not see how someone could be happy all the time. And I do not feel like I am a person who has issues. There are people who quite distinctly are depressed, have issues, and what the hell am I? I feel like I need some sort of sticker slapped to my forehead for me to be able to know if there's something wrong with me. Like "HELP ME HELP ME! LABEL ME DIAGNOSE ME I WANT TO BE A SPECIAL PERSON! LAVISH ME WITH ATTENTION BECAUSE I'M SO MESSED UP!"

There's nothing fucking wrong with me apart from the fact that I fucking hate myself and I am worthless and inadequate and useless and ugh ugh what the hell what does any of this mean it doesn't mean ANYTHING because once I have slept it is GONE until the next night. This self-loathing. What the fuck is it? It's the manifestation of loneliness and isolation and misery and fear and insecurity all mashed in to one with the catalyst of boredom and a dull dull life and a stupid dull brain that cannot think of anything interesting to do because it's so fucking fixated with a few particular things.

you should not take heed to any of this, I don't think, well I don't know. Someone said to me that maybe it is valid. If it keeps happening. Maybe she is right I don't know. She also says that I look sheepish a lot of the time and dammit that is true too.
Also; I'm not making any sense. Also; no one really reads this blog that much but um I guess that's why it's good. It's just good to vent and it doesn't really matter if people see it or not. It's practically incoherent anyway.

I very much dislike not knowing what I feel. I question my every emotion and my every thought. What does it mean? Do I really feel that way? Am I really miserable/depressed, or do I just need to sleep? Is it love, or toxic radiation? (It's both, but who cares.)
So I drown my thoughts in internet bullshit to while away the hours and I just fucking sit here vegetating and dying and wishing there was something I could do and when I'm here by myself there's fucking nothing to live for, it's when I am out doing stuff that there are things. Actually I don't have to do anything I just have to be away from here.

I don't know what any of this means it's all shit.
I need some sort of direction or guidance because I'm totally useless at running my own life. Other people have already got it down fucking fine by my age because they're mature, responsible, intelligent, empathetic kind people but I'm just a piece of shit.

I am a contradiction. In those stupid online personality quiz things, that say stuff like "tick true or false: I prefer to spend time alone" or "I am happiest as the centre of attention at a party", I always go to "I prefer to spend time alone."
Well actually, I have come to learn that I really fucking don't.
I'd prefer to be alone than with a bunch of annoying people that I do not get along with, but it is my friends that keep me fucking sane, or insane, or somewhat stable, I don't know.
I don't want to be the centre of fucking attention but shit I just want someone to talk to.

LOOK AT HOW FUCKING ELOQUENT I AM. I SWEAR ALL THE FUCKING TIME. WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN.
I disgust myself I am miserable I am useless I wish I could believe people when they tell me I am a good person or not inadequate I wish I could


basically: I am a stupid teenager with emotions, news at e-fucking-leven.

the world had a short-lived infatuation with blogspot.

All the blogs I follow haven't been updated for a year. =\
I think it's because it's a bit isolated, really. There really isn't much of a sense of community at all. I think that may be important?
Anyway, I'm desperately bored. So I am writing on this because I have no one to talk to.
Why is no one on skype? Actually no one.
I mean, I don't honestly care about the fact that there is no one because I cannot talk to anyone, I mean I care because I only want to talk to one person and I haven't talked to her in about a week. Probably over a week. And she isn't online. And since the start of holidays I keep just staying on the internet whiling away the hours in a bored stupor and she never comes online and I have had Beatles songs stuck in my head for about three days straight. Incessantly. Just all these different songs changing but never leaving. And she's the only person I talk to on skype and the only reason I keep skype open pretty much perpetually.
And I dyed my hair red. It's cool.
I need social interaction with my friends okay
I'm going insane, also.

I'm turning in to Niles Crane. Well actually I already have. Hmm.

fucking hell fucking hell fucking hell.

The most tiny things can drive me insane! I don't mean that in a negative way; it's just something I've learned. It doesn't take much to put me in a complete state of delirious delight.
I mean. It takes next to NOTHING. The tiniest, most miniscule thing and I'll be a mess. Complete mess all over the place. Total nutter. Utterly hopeless.
It has been eight months. Of not knowing. And of confusion. And of over-analysing and trying to look at things in a non-biased, non-judgemental, totally neutral point of view, which is of course completely hopeless because I am in no way non-biased or non-judgemental, my judgement is clouded completely by my own delusions and thoughts and obsessions etc.
God help me.

Seriously. HELP ME. I'M A MESS. A TOTAL UTTER WRECK THAT KEEPS DYING AND MELTING AND EXPLODING AND GRINNING AND DYING AGAIN AND OH GOD HELP ME. HELP ME.
THROW ME A FUCKING BONE, HERE! I CANNOT TAKE ANYTHING AS EVIDENCE, THIS IS UTTERLY VITAL. I NEED SOMETHING REALLY FUCKING OBVIOUS BEFORE I WILL LET MYSELF THINK, THINK AT ALL THAT THERE MIGHT BE A CHANCE OF SUCH A THING HAPPENING.

THOUGH I DOUBT IT. I really fucking do. I'm so completely utterly incomparably inadequate.
and I want to say just as much, I want to say everything, but I refuse to because I believe that even the slightest hint will be too obvious.

Though, honestly? At this point in time? I think it's probably pretty fucking obvious, the way I've been behaving. (Ie like a completely infatuated idiot.)

And yet.
What happens if I'm wrong.
Then I'm just really fucking screwed because there's no way this can be anything other than disastrous.
I just wish I knew. I don't want much, really. I just. I just. I just.

I mean, god, if I'm not wrong, then I will look like a massive creep of an obsessive lunatic.
Hmm. Hmmrightwell. Hmm hmm hmmmmmmmmm.

What in the everloving name of fuck should I do?

you know what

the good thing about this blog is?
that no one reads it.
I could say whatever the hell I wanted here and it would pretty much be okay.
So.
Um.
Basically.
It is really bad to be a person who reads subtext in to everything.
Because it makes you incapable of interacting with other humans in any way shape or form.
oh god.
oh god oh god what is my life.
Honestly this is just bizarre.
This whole year has been bizarre.
I can't.
I'm just a bit freaked out and just a bit delighted and mad with insanity and just a little bit stupid and I wonder what it's like to not sleep for days on end? I mean you can only survive ten days without sleep.
But I mean what if you went three days without sleep
I don't even see how that would be possible.
I just need sleep. I need it like oxygen.
Isn't it weird how a lack of sleep can make you feel? It's so fascinating how important it is.
Because when you don't sleep you are basically screwed. And it particularly makes your mouth feel all funny. and your hair pretty awful. And gives you a general sense of feeling incredibly unhygienic. And your head feels like it's been pounded with a block of cheese. It's really bizarre. And what's more frustrating is that often during the night you wont even feel tired any more. You will feel so tired that you will feel awake again.
This year is indeed a strange thing to behold. I have lost the plot.
And I can measure in hours of lost sleep the development of my insanity through the year.
And.
Perhaps.
Some twisted form of progress.
I don't even know what the fuck that means. But it's interesting to think that in term one holidays my mind was perpetrated and perpetuated by these thoughts. Curious, indeed! And to think I was still in denial then, and yet; still bizarrely intending for madness.
And now here we are in the epitome of madness.
I really rather like it.

and this has been a highly ambiguous post.

and I've seen all I'll ever need

It is really strange.
Last year I used this blog copious amounts. And the year before that. And now I'm just like "no sorry."
I'm really not sure why.
I feel pretty bad about it. I mean I can actually use this blog, really; it's got a funky style and it's sort of pseudo-sophisticated and no one really knows about it either. Oh, the dilemma! I don't understand the world.
Listening to Muse as usual. Though I haven't been listening to them that much recently- I've been in one of my "listening to everything ever" moods re:music, in which I have gone from Radiohead to The Horrors, from Florence to Neutral Milk Hotel and from Arcade Fire to Pink Floyd and The XX. Just sort of flitting around them.
But of course I always return to Muse, without fail.
Listening to Space Dementia. God I love this song.
This has been a strange year. It has been a year completely undocumented by blogspot.
and of course, when I'm just about to start a big pensive blog post my parents are all 'GO TO BED'.
typical.
okay. I'll go then. Maybe I'll save it for another day.
(But I'll try write some now before I properly have to go.)
Right. Anyway. This year.
It has gone impossibly, ridiculously, frighteningly fast.
There was the start of this year- fresh ideas and thoughts and music and words.
There was the obsession with Sherlock Holmes, mixed with the obsession with The Horrors. There was House of Leaves, and the thoughts and the summery days, and the Big Day Out with Muse and The Horrors and the smell of smoke.
There was the constant playing of Horses, the album by Patti Smith in the car for a long time throughout the year. There was the madness of everything at the beginning. I have a very powerful nostalgia for the start of the year. Which is weird, but I do. I really miss it, because I feel like this year has just slipped through my fingers; at the same time as is has been a really long year, with so many events, it feels like it's been about five days in my life compressed in to a confusing dream, a blur of images and memories and music and some really fucked up thoughts.
There have been all my freak outs and panics and fainting in public and crying in public and my developed fears of things, and my paranoia, and my obsessive intrusive thought processes, thoughts that began at the start of the year and culminated in May the goddamn fucking 12th; two days later, May 15th; the freakout, two days after that, going to see Iron Man 2 with Alice, completely freaking out, then talking with her, then freaking out to an extent I never thought possible.
Thus leading to the supposed acceptance of the intrusive thoughts. Which, I suppose, was a good thing; if I continued in the vein of 'NO STOP THINKING THAT' I suppose it would have culminated in my going completely batshit insane. Now I just have some really awkward emotions to contend with; ones that certainly still make me hate myself, but, you know, I can deal with it.
So. It's been a really weird year. It's definitely been a significant year. I'm certain this will stick out in my memories for all the weird events that have happened. It's been a mixture of really great things and really crap things- I've been feeling really awful about myself a lot more than usual, this year- and completely losing any interest in school I might have previously had. School is just utter tedium now. Boring, every single day, every single hour of the day is utterly boring. And I am tired, constantly. And tend to feel miserable every day. And generally I keep feeling utter hatred towards myself, and my complete inability to do anything worthwhile, or to succeed particularly well in anything. I just feel hopeless and I'm not sure how to change things in order to be better. I just can't do it. So I simply hide away in the world of procrastination. Fortunately there are a lot of things out there that make me feel a bit better. I've become quite obsessed with Monty Python this year. That is a great thing. I'm really glad about that.
And as you can see, it is the night, and whenever it's the night I get really glum and morose and everything I write is like BAWW BAWW what is life. Also I'm listening to Citizen Erased by Muse. Oh god I love this album so much. Origin of Symmetry is just incredible, okay? I miss Muse. I miss them. Which is ridiculous, I suppose, but I am just so sad that I missed so much of their life- 2001,2002, the mad insane years, 2003, 2004 with Absolution, then BH&R- I found out all of this after the fact- and as such, ten years of Muse have been compressed in to about two years of learning about them with me. I wish I could have known about them when I was a tiny kid. Impossible, really. How could I have possibly become a mad fan of Muse at the age of seven? Holy shit. I was seven when Origin Of Symmetry came out.
What. The. Fuck.
I just cannot comprehend the world.
I really truly cannot.
Oh god this song is amazing.

Citizen Erased. You are amazing.

Shine on you crazy diamond

I am listening to that at the moment! Whee, Wish You Were Here is made of win.
WELCOME MY SON
WELCOME TO THE MACHINE

COME IN HERE DEAR BOY, HAVE A CIGAR, YOU'RE GONNA GO FAR

WE'RE JUST TWO LOST SOULS SWIMMING IN A FISH BOWL YEAR AFTER YEAR
RUNNING OVER THE SAME OLD GROUND AND HOW WE FOUND THE SAME OLD FEARS
WISH YOU WERE HERE

erm, yeah.
I am thinking that Absolution is maybe my favourite Muse album? I just feel weird singling one out, because I love them all and it's like "OMG YOU DON'T LOVE US OTHER ALBUMS BAWWWWWWWW" which is totally not the case. But there's something about Absolution.
(Be forewarned: This post is just me rambling in over-excessive, totally biased detail about a whole bunch of Muse songs. Yeah. I don't know.)

Muse always end their albums with the most epic of songs.
Showbiz: Hate This And I'll Love You. Supreme angst, quiet piano/shouty guitar, and crickets in the background. There's something sinisterly sad about it. I mean, it has the line "I was born to destroy you." Right, okay. An angsty end to an epically angsty album. Yay Showbiz!
Origin Of Symmetry:Megalo-freakin'-mania. Also known as Epic Win. Played on a goddamn organ. Starts out quiet and sinister, with these very dark lyrics. Then it explodes. And has epic backing vocals and angsty cello. Then, as it gets to the end- well, it just sounds like something you would have playing when someone is just spiraling out of control. Spiraling is the word, because the organ is swirling in evil arpeggios and you can just see that this is when your mind breaks and everything you know is crashing down around you and you've just lost the plot. And then when you think the song is over, it gives one final, huge blast on the organ. Basically: EPIC.

Remember when you were young? You shone like the sun. SHINE ON YOU CRAZY DIAAAAMOND!
Okay lyrical interlude over.

Absolution: Ruled By Freakin' Secrecy. Holy crapsticks, another dark and eerie song to end the album. Starts off very quiet, and when the drums come in you can hear every shift and rattle of snare drum and the shudder of the bass drum. The most paranoid lyrics ever. The song is about a guy who snaps and kills everyone at his work. Nice. So the song is pretty quiet, the lyrics and vocals soft and despairing- there's a slight pause. And then it explodes in epic piano chords. EXPLODES, I say. The vocals screaaaaaaaaaaam and the piano explodes and the drums smash and the bass rattles and then it goes quiet again, fading away with a barely audible heartbeat and the whine of that effecty thing, in which you think the sound is shifting downwards but never actually does. Uh, there's a name for it- hang on, ah it's called a Shepard Tone.

Black Holes And Revelations: Knights. Of. Cydonia. For once the album doesn't end on a doom and gloom note. It ends on a WHAT THE HELL AWW YEAH IMMA FIRIN MAH LAZERZ YEEEEHAW SPACE ALIEN ROBOT NINJAS GO!!!!! explosion. Just hearing the first wavering shimmers of horses galloping and lazerz set to stuntastic and I go all "OMG OMG OMG THIS SONG IS SO EPIC OMG" and that's before the music actually starts. And then it starts. And. Well. The best drumbeat ever, honest to god. And epic riffage. And just... just...epic everything. And using the Rickenbacker bass and and asdfhadfoghagoiahsg that's it. Just...yes. Of course to compensate for not ending on a dramatic note, the opening song is Take A Bow and holy crap yes. Soooo good!

The Resistance: Ends with the Piece De Resistance, (hurrhurr I maded a pun) the three-part Exogenesis. About the human race having to go out in space and find a new world to live because the current one has been destroyed. Aww yeah. The first part channels some sort of evil version of Ave Maria combined with Matt's version of opera singing (seriously) and evil minor arpeggios, whoo (just deal with my attempts at being knowledgeable about music, okay) and has crazy tremolo guitar wailing and Matt being all existential in his lyrics "who are we why are we who are we why why why?" etc. Haha. Indeed, Matt.
Part 2 is dramatic piano for a bit, before chilling out slightly, then exploding with win again. (YOU MUST RESCUE US ALL!!!) This is our laaaaaast chaaaaaaance etc.
part 3 is the most mellow and starts really soft and tentative and sad before getting a bit more upbeat. It's like the hopeful part of the song.

WELL. SO YEAH. THAT'S... THAT'S ABOUT IT.
Well the point I was trying to make, was...dolphins. No. It was- that Muse end their albums with the most intensely epic songs ever. And well they fill them with epic songs too, but- I- I don't know. I just felt like talking about Muse. *shrug*

Ffffffffffffffff I love Have A Cigar. WELL I'VE ALWAYS HAD A DEEP RESPECT AND I MEAN THAT MOST SINCERELY. THE BAND IS JUST FANTASTIC, THAT IS REALLY WHAT I THINK- OH BY THE WAY, WHICH ONE'S PINK?

WE'RE SO HAPPY WE CAN HARDLY COUNT! (aaah I love that line.)
OKAY. I'M DONE talking about Muse and quoting Pink Floyd lyrics for no other reason than I'm listening to it right now.
Man talk about a pointless post. XD

WHEE!

I changed the layout again because this one is nice and pretty.

Today was the first day of school! Though it hardly counts because we were there for about an hour. And it was good to see everyone again, and I was able to be all squee-ful for a brief few glorious seconds before we had to sit down and shut up.
I hope to continue said squeeing, flailing and general conspiracy theorising tomorrow at length! And since tomorrow is also a messy day, hopefully also on Friday too.
I must post a photo of the record player. It's amazing. SO AWESOME.
And it's a hot and sunny day but I'm inside where it is nice and cool apart from this laptop which is all "I'm two years old, watch me EXPLODE with suckiness!"
I want to love you, laptop, I really do, but you make it really difficult sometimes.
Also, I have a new Spanish teacher for the first time EVER which is kind of sad but to be expected, really. It would have been kind of odd if I had had the same Spanish teacher four years running. So I'm not really sure what to expect. Oh well, I believe Lucy is in my class so that should be good.
I don't know much about any of my other classes, but: I was meant to take music, right? And they were like "lol no, it clashes with French, gtfo" so I had to drop it and choose from one of some other very fascinating subjects (/sarcasm). So we sent a message saying "okay I'll take alternative maths then, FINE JEEZ" and well they do not appear to have regarded this message as I have a gap on my timetable every day.
Now I wouldn't complain if I were meant to have spaces, but I am supposed to be taking six subjects and that just really doesn't work. Much as I don't want to take maths because hello, most boring subject ever, I am afraid I shall have to ask "hello, what is the deal?"
Still. It's interesting. Anyway all my classes are cool because I'm not taking anything I don't like thus far, so every day should hopefully be quite alright! IT'S GOING TO BE INTERESTING, HOORAY.
I just want to go back already and talk with my friends for ages and ages about certain things.
ASDHDGASGIHAOGHIAOGIH
I am filled with a fandomy glee. Now if only I could find an original of that drawing without the words on it. I feel this may be futile, however.
So to sum up: ASDFASDFH YAY!!?!?!

Okay okay so

Sooooooooo I just finished reading all the comments in the fandomsecrets anon meme. OMG IT WAS WONDERFUL. AND I'M SO SAD BECAUSE I DIDN'T GET TO COMMENT ONCE. NOT. A SINGLE. TIME.

*angstangstangst*
And it was so awesome! So so so so awesome. And I COULD have commented before, before all the comments got filled up until you couldn't post any more. But then we left for the day- and my firefox just decided to freeze and tell me that it had to force quit. Fortunately blogger saved some of this blog! Now I have to wait for all my 100+ tabs to finish loading. XD I just had an interesting time listening to a whole bunch of youtube videos playing at the same time. This is what it sounds like: "Thank you Yeoman, that's sufficient. My word, Jane, the garden's looking very homosexual today! I've never been more shocked in all my life! Come on Spock, I know that look. You savage! You savage!! I'm bringing sexyback *yeah~*"
Huh, this is strange, they appear to be repeating now! I'm thoroughly confused.
Hahaha! Anyway. The anon meme was awesome and there must be another one IMMEDIATELY because I just feel depressed about having been unable to post a single comment on this one. *sigh!*
Well! All the tabs have finished loading! That didn't take long, I was under the impression that the internet was very slow lately.

Anyway, yesterday we went to Mangawhai to hang out with the cousins and it was an awesome and great ol' time. The weather was crazy and went from rainy and dismal to sunshiney and glorious! And it was all very spiffing the whole time.
When it was sunshiney we went to the beach, and there was this sort of big sandbar thing further out, and we kayaked over and had a look around, and it was all sunny and great.
Then myself, my brother and one of my cousins spent about half an hour to 45 minutes drifting downwards and then slowly crawling upwards against a rather strong current, before drifting down again. It was fun. And we spent the time talking and laughing hysterically over completely absurd things such as "I ain't no fool 'cause I go to school!" Yeah really. Then we discussed something that had been bothering me a great deal and came to four possible reasons/conclusions:

1. He is gay.
2. He is Edward Cullen.
3. He is Edgar Allen Poe.
4. Because The Master ate a turkey.

I have a feeling there was a fifth one, but I can't remember it. Anyway the discussion still proved inconclusive, but was highly amusing and delightful nonetheless.
............................yeah!
Anyway it was a good time and it was all very nice and the moon was really big and bright.
So it's been a good couple of days.
I am happy!
.....and you know, there was something on the anon meme, on page two, that was completely and utterly awesome and epic and amazing.
.....I'm just saying. Page two. Fandomsecrets? Just saying.
...Page two.
And various other pages with other interesting and fascinating ideas.
One of which was a sort of "NEW PERSONAL CANON" thing.
.....I am going to leave now!

I am tired

Hmm so we went to our gran's house yesterday for dinner and found a big box of records under the stairs. I was...reticent to enter the cupboard under the stairs, as it was a very small space and there were a lot of cobwebs and whatnot. I'd been fine to go in there before, but that was when I was younger and as such my head wasn't as close to the ceiling as before. It took me a while to go in there, and when I did Hamish turned off the light and shut the door.
...
Oh yeah, that's real nice. A really nice thing to do to someone who doesn't like the combination of small spaces and potential spiders. And darkness. So I screamed until he opened it again. XD
Anyway, we didn't look through all the records (because judging by the height of the box there would be quite a lot) but we looked through the top and there were some really awesome things! There was David Bowie, Devo, The Rolling Stones, Blue Oyster Cult (I think that's their name) and other such things. There was also a disconcertingly large amount of Rod Stewart. That was not cool.
But yeah! I look forward to returning and perusing further to find out what other interesting gems there might be lurking in there. Should be good times!
That's all I have to say really. Although also, I must go and find Primary Colours by The Horrors and buy it. Because. It. Is. AMAZING. And I am annoyed that I didn't listen to it much before, because ASDHFGAGOAHG AFDG AOHO AOMG it's AMAZING guys.
AMAZING
And I want to marry it. I have to buy it. Okay.
Yeah well that's all.

THE DOWN LOW

WORDS
CANNOT
QUITE EXPRESS THE JOY I AM FEELING RIGHT NOW

Oh god, I've missed House, I'm so glad it's finally coming back. In perhaps, approx. 2 months, there shall be an episode on screen, an episode so hilariously amazing that the likes of it have not been seen since Don't Ever Change.
Seriously. When I found out about Don't Ever Change, I pretty much ended up knowing the whole episode off by heart by the time it was on tv here. (I think it was probably the mention of it on the livejournal of a certain edible star that piqued my interest, what with it being called the "bowie" episode of house (ie referring to the episode of FOTC.) I apologise if that makes no sense. But not really. XD
This time I don't think I'm going to wait, I'm going to download it from the interwebs straight away!
And this episode isn't even written by Doris Egan, whaat? At least I don't think so. I'm sure she had some part to play in this insanity.

WELL. IT'S GOING TO BE
AMAZING
ANYWAY. AND HILARIOUS
AND EVEN IF IT ISN'T, WELL I HONESTLY DON'T CARE BECAUSE THIS PRETTY MUCH SEALS THE DEAL
WHOOOOOOOOOOOO

Hang on-

Wait a moment. Wait a moment. Wait... wait. Just... just wait a moment there. Wait. Wait a moment.
I'm going to be SEVENTEEN THIS YEAR!?!?!?!?
Excuse me for a moment.


OHSHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-

Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time

Whoooooooooo-hoooo lyrics? Time? Pink Floyd? That song kind of scares me because well.
Read them.
Here is a really long ramble I made. Yay?
It seems only yesterday that I was a young child with a passion for jazz-rock fusion…

TEMPERATURE FLUCTUATES VERY QUICKLY

AAAASDGHADFBQEJROPI EGEIHDAFGAE GMERNGYUHDFS HNQERPUG HDF NBBEIGH ADFG
AREGDFUS JBSOEBHNUHG OUAR NAHG MAEHE GAFH BA HEF UEURGAEOHR GMHG RUGOH
OH
MY
GOD

DO YOU KNOW HOW AMAZING THAT WAS
NO
YOU DON'T I'M AFRAID
SWEET ZOMBIE JESUS ON A CRACKER RIDING A BIKE IN HEAVEN AND THEN A HURRICANE MAKES HIM FALL OFF A CLOUD AND LAND ON A RAINBOW COR BLIMEY!!!

SASDHGAHDFHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHADFUGHAEUH
YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW OKAY

THAT WAS FREAKING AMAZING
MY LEGS ARE VERY SORE AND I AM ALL JITTERY AND OH MY GOD AND AND NAD ANDS NASDG WHAT WHAT
BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE BY FAR, SO FAR PROBABLY EVER OKAY
MM-HMMM TRY BEAT THAT MUSE
BITCHES GOT NOTHING ON THIS
I REALLY HAVE NOTHING MORE TO SAY
YOU WILL HAVE TO WAIT FOR ME TO REGAIN COHERENCY TOMORROW

AOASDHFGHASGIUHAGUHASGOH AOGSIH OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!
ASDHGAIUSGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EDIT: OH ALSO I FORGOT
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
ASDGHDAOEIRT OQIHBOI YE TWQYRQOUE HBHUBFHFSII
SO GOOD
SO EPIC
EPIC EPIC WIN I TELLS YOU
I WANT TO SEE THEM AGAIN
I AM EUPHORIC
EUPHORIC, I SAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Strangers passing in the street, by chance two separate glances meet;

I LOVE THE SONG ECHOES OKAY.

It's epic and amazing!!!! \o/ And 23 minutes long!!!!! Whoooo!!!
It's very radical. And has a random funky breakdown with the bass...yeah.

(I wrote a sentence before, then forgot I was writing it and started writing about something else in the middle of the sentence. Good times!)
Anyway, I did something radical today. I shan't tell you what. Bwuahahaha.
GREEN DAY TOMORROW WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
I'm excited!!!!! I said that yesterday, but I'm even more excited now because it's the night and I'll go to bed and it will be the next day and OMG WHOOO
I'm going to get a train at about 4.14 and get there are 4.30 and I guess I'll just wait around until 6.30 when the doors open... XD it's a long time to wait, but I guess we'll see how long the line is when I get there. Not as long as some people wait though. I wonder what line etiquette is? Can you save spots for people? Can you leave for the bathroom? Probably not. Do you sit down or stand? Well. I GUESS WE'LL FIND OUT, WON'T WE.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aw, what? I didn't know Richard Wright died! Ah, jeez.

Hmmm

Is there a blog layout that, whenever you post a blog, you can post an icon with it which will appear in a box next to the post? Probably not, it might be complicated but if there was a way to have an icon next to your post here then that would be awesome, especially if it could just be something chosen from your computer and that way there isn't a limit to the number of icons you use. I just like icons okay? And lj sucks for being boring and also not letting you have more than 15 icons unless you pay. Blogger should have an icon system! These are my thorts.

I think I should get a new blog layout maybe as I have had this one all year, it would be good for a change as I'm a bit sick of all the light blue.

Yesterday there was a zombie apocalypse party. It was awesome fun because not many people went and we sat in the super awesome basement with tvs that were all static and broken and filmed little scenarios where a bunch of survivors lower their guard and get attacked by a whole bunch of zombies. I kept dying quickly, because the zombies kept going for me and when I shot at them THEY DIDN'T REACT. Losers. My gun wasn't making a noise so they didn't pay attention, and I couldn't really hit them on the head either. So they kept jumping at me and killing me. Noobs!! I need a toy gun that actually shoots things. XDD
Then there was an impromptu night time swim which was amusing as we watched Lucy try and sit on the floaty seat thing and fall off every single time. XDD
Well if anyone would like to suggest some nice looking blog layouts to me, that would be nice!

Omg Yo La Tengo are coming to NZ! That is seriously awesome and I want to go! And it's in February so I have enough time to uh listen to their songs. It's on the eighth... which sounds like it might be one of the first days of school which is lame. So maybe not, but I would seriously like to go because they're cool.

Oh. Well, then.

Sooooooooooooooooooooooo my laptop got a virus, I got it fixed though, but this came at the price of reimaging- fortunately I backed up all my things, and also they didn't delete any of my stuff. Apart from all the applications I had downloaded, games, msn etc, and most annoyingly firefox's history was completely wiped, including all my billions of bookmarks.
*sigh!*
It's not that bad, just very annoying and kind of saddening. But then I guess it's okay to have a fresh start. And it's a good thing I backed up the data for the sims 2 and warcraft because they got deleted. Quelle dommage!
It's just a little aggravating, but it's still good, it's still good.

And I had a good dream about Doctor Who that I have not been able to shut up about because it amused me to a great extent. Hurr. =D
So I guess things are pretty alright, otherwise!!! Well goodybe then eh.

Everyone secretly likes slap bass

Well I got my boxset and it is uber pretty. Mayhaps I shall take pictures of it. The vinyls have awesome covers. Now I just need to find something to play them on.
I watched Hullabalooooooooooo today, and it was pretty rad. I want to watch it again. Going to watch disc 2 now methinks, despite its mild, uh... strangeness... still awesome though. And complete with freaky music, yay.
Holidays are fairly uninspiring. Generally end up playing games excessively, ie Warcraft III or the sims 2, which is the current trend. Getting a bit boring however, it seems less interesting when you can cheat the whole time. XDD It does let you concentrate on other stuff but ehhhhhhhh
It's September already. September 25th, precisely. Which means it is my birthday in two weeks, which is pretty lame. My birthday is rather unfortunately placed this year. I get to celebrate it on the first day back at school. Whoop-de-freakin'-doo.
I get the feeling it will be more depressing than good- ie, it will suck to have my birthday on the first day back, rather than my birthday being an event that will improve the lameness of the day. Sheesh, way to be pessimistic.

So I have to find some old Green Day music and listen to it otherwise I will just be a lame person who goes to a concert and only knows the new stuff which isn't really that cool. Yeah.
Have I ever mentioned wanting to be in a band? No? Never? Well I want to be in a band.
Oh and also daylight saving already? Tomorrow? Bwuh? This year has gone too quickly mmkay this ought not to be tolerated. I mean seriously, next year is 2010, WHAT IS THE FREAKIN' DEAL. Also where the hell is my jetpack and flying car? Tsk tsk fortune predictors!
Well I'm going to leave now. Au revoir
And it doesn't even feel like a Friday today! And I don't really like Friday nights because I tend to watch too much tv and I don't like watching too much tv. Blah.
Goodbye!
hahah also I looked at my old apple laptop and read all my old stickies and seriously, what the hell, what the HELL

I smashed 13 mirrors when I was born

so I just got a refund for the muse boxset.

Oh hello, shotgun! It's nice to see you. Hey! Look! It's the inside of my mouth! hahaha, that's funny. It's cool in here, eh? Ooh, a trigger thing! Hahahah let's press it hahahahah!!! oooh whoops there's blood all over the walls! hahahahah!!!! look at all that grey matter everywhere hahahahahah!!!!! hahahahahahahahaha!!!!! hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahaha here comes the ambulance, wheeee,ooooh,wheeeee,ooohhh wheeeeeeeee1!!!!!!!!!!!!!! don't think they'll be able to fix this whoopsie!!!! hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
never mind the uncontrollable trembling hahahahahahaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lemon.

tomorrow pour l'ecole we have stupid House Music. ARGGHBLEH... I have to dress as a farmer, how original. Our house has decided to do New Zealand culture! I repeat: how original! Uuuuuuuuuugh. I just cannot be bothered. What the hell.
Cannot be bothered with this upcoming week, as a matter of fact. Nothing else matters but the end of the week. I'm ignoring leaks, so that's when it will be. MUSE. The Re-friggin-sistance! Hahaha. It seems that is the same day as Lucy's party. I am quite glad to find out I get it on Saturday and not friggin' Monday. Says release in Australia is the 12th, so I assume that's the same for New Zealand. WHOO HOO. Of course that means that everyone at Lucy's will be right annoyed at me because I'll just be yelling about Muse the whole time. As a matter of fact I think I might have a piano thingy on that day as well... which means even less time able to listen to it. aarrgh. Just..... aaarrrgh. Apparently Unnatural Selection is INSANE. WHOOOO.
Anyway that's all. Just wanted to post a short blog.
Spent some time today playing runescape with mon frere. We shouted insults at each other the whole time. It was great. Most of them involved the word "mule" in some way. We had insults such as steamed ham mule, steamed clams mule and aurora borealis mule, to name a few. hahahaha. =D

Aww, crap. Just remembered that I don't have a swandri-esque shirt for house music. OH WELL!!!! I GUESS I CAN'T GO THEN!! THAT'S A SHAME! Never mind the fact that I don't really have any proper shorts, or normal looking gumboots. I have... green spotty gumboots. And I ask you: how on earth are you supposed to dance in gumboots? It's difficult enough walking in them for crying out loud. I really don't think that this has been thought through too well. Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh

Hmph

I need to stop getting overly upset from single tiny comments. Aaarrrgh. I'm going to go through a few days of depression now, reverting back to the Good One and keeping away from the Enigma until I've gotten over it.
In other news, Something really weird happened today. I was doing piano, and I asked for help on some little thing I wasn't sure about. I got really tense and kind of stressed for a moment, but then that went away. But, after that, I suddenly started to get this pain where my jaw feels like it's going to explode and my face is going to burst because I'm trying to stop myself from crying. I basically just burst in to tears for absolutely no discernible reason whatsoever. I had to go to my room and calm down and try to stop. It was utterly bizarre because I had no idea what could have brought it on, apart from me doing piano, but that was just what I was doing at the time and it doesn't really seem like it was to blame. It's confusing, that must've been why, but you know, it wasn't one of those things where you know why you are crying; this just came out of nowhere. From a subconscious part of my brain. It just went OH HEY LET'S START CRYING FOR SOME REASON OKAY? and then my conscious part was all WHAT THE HELL WHAT THE HELL WHAT THE HELL ='[
so um yeah
This is slightly concerning.
So anyway I'm going to go listen to AFI now. It's noisy. And that is good. And listen to Wolstenholme talking, and I will not watch the hullabaloo documentary. Nor will I play the sims.

I regularly have identity crisis's where I suddenly see everything in a different way and completely panic and freak out. So I stop thinking about it. I'm worried that if I keep thinking about it I'll probably go insane. I daresay ignoring such thoughts is a good idea.

What a Productive Day!

Okay well not that productive because I haven't done any homework AS OF YET... see, I simply must do homework today. Why? Because I mentioned, casually, IN PASSING, to Laura that I tend to never do homework in the weekend. AND SHE WON'T SHUT UP ABOUT IT!!! Which is pissing me off. Because I was like "well I'm going to do homework in the weekend" and she goes BUT YOU NEVER DO ANY HOMEWORK IN THE WEEKEND YOU JUST SAID THAT and I'm like it doesn't mean I never do! It's just the norm! YEAH BUT YOU SAID so?? doesn't mean I CAN'T do homework!!! YEAH BUT YOU NEVER DO HOMEWORK IN THE WEEKEND YOU SAID THAT TO ME JUST THEN
AARRRGH she is treating it like it is WORD OF GOD, ABSOLUTE CANON OF MY LIFE INDISPUTABLE!!!
So, anywho, I have to do homework in the weekend to PROVE HER GODDAMN WRONG. Hahahahehehehehee.
Still. Yeah. Today, out of nowhere, I suddenly got to thinking about Harry Potter. And, suddenly, behold! I got out HP6 and started reading little extracts out of it. Daaaaaamn. Friggin' memories! God I love Harry Potter. I'm just pissed off at ALL THE PEOPLE SHE KILLED.

See thing is, lots of people are all annoyed at characters, something I totally didn't notice when I hung out in that area of the interweb. Apparently people hate Ginny? And looking back I can see why what with all the snogging etc, but for serious guys. Quit yer hatin'. And, uh, yeah SO MANY MEMORIES!!! I loved hp6 primarily, for all the Ron/Hermione stuff. MY FIRST OTP. D'awwww. As a matter of fact, I have this poster for the hp3 movie on my wall? Hahaha, yeah. And, years ago I had drawn lines going from Ron and Hermione with, I dunno a heart over the top of Harry's head. XDD I just checked today AND I CAN STILL SEE THE PENCIL LINES. It's so great. Anyway, it was good to revise over the book considering the movie is coming out soon (about friggin' time.) We have decided that we are all going to go see the movie together when it comes out. OH MY GOD IT'S GOING TO BE AWESOME
I haven't squeed this much over Harry Potter since the last book came out! And, for the record: I haven't read the book since I first read it. Why? Because of several reasons. IT'S TOO HARD TO GO BACK; there's a hell of a lot of roaming around in forests (boring) it's friggin' dark and scary, DEATH OF CHARACTERS, it makes me sad, IT'S THE END, DEATH OF CHARACTERS, sadness, evilness, scariness, FRIGGIN' SNAPE, not enough ron/hermione APART FROM THAT THING AND OH MY GOD I WAS LIKE ABOUT FRIGGIN' TIME: MY LIFE IS COMPLETE!!! ahh, my life. So yeah, that book was damn freaky. And I'd like to keep it out of my mind for the time being, because it made me feel sad. Still, it was so awesome when I read it. Paragraph break!

I read it all on the day I got it and THERE WAS THIS MASSIVE FRIGGIN' HUGE STORM. I kid you not the rain poured down in bucketloads; buckets the size of Jupiter, that is. It was intense. Words cannot quite describe how intense. Anyway. It was a good day. Stressful too.
And, book six? Hahah, I have re-read that plenty of times. I just remembered today, that I used to have PAGE NUMBERS MEMORISED. The pages where there was lots of Ron/Hermione, that is! WHOOO! PARTY PARTY PARTY
Hahaha. "A job I do not want? On the contrary Dumbledore, I want it very much." Good times.

I damn friggin' love Harry Potter. I AM NOT ASHAMED, Y'ALL

So how's by you? I also listened to music; this is not unnatural in the general scheme of things! I would like to, if you wish to listen, discuss some music I enjoy.
Okay then!
Now for starters I done gone made this playlist. It has some awesome songs. Which is why I made it! GOODNESS!
Actually! I took a brief hiatus from writing this, and no longer wish to discuss my music playlist. OKAY!!! I would however like to direct your attention to another song.

HERE IS THE DEAL
So there is this song right? And I have this live version of it. BLISS LIVE AT EARLS COURT 2004. Okay, so originally I had bliss live at royal albert hall '08, which was pretty great. People were like, "Dude, the falsetto!" And I listened to it, and went, meh! But then after re-listening, I went, DUDE WOAHHHHHH HOW DID I NOT GET THE INTENSITY OF THIS BEFORE?!?!? Thing is, EARLS COURT IS BETTER. Why? The quality is better and you can hear it with a lot more clarity.
And. The buildup to the falsetto bit, is epic. Actually it's epic every single time, but. The falsetto on this one? PERFECT. IT IS ACTUAL PERFECTION and sends shivers up my spine?? Oh by the way, it's by Muse. SURPRISE
But oh my god it's just EPIC EPIC RIDICULOUSLY GREAT. And you know what else is awesome about Bliss? WHEN YOU SEE IT LIVE AND. AND. Whenever they play that song they RELEASE THE BALLOONS and oh god it's SO AWESOME, they release these HUGE balloons from the ceiling filled with confetti and they bounce around and get popped and people get covered in red confetti and they go on the stage and they pop them with guitars and stuff you JUST. DON'T. KNOW. HOW. AWESOME. Oh and the opening little... riff thingy on the live version? RANDOMLY GORGEOUS!?!!?!?!?

CATCH YOU LATER, FOLKS.